Something Good
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: Two years ago Ziva nearly died. One year ago she got a new name. But today is when everything begins to change.
1. Chapter 1: Another Shot

Tony awoke when the warm body he was wrapped around began to tremble. He raised a gentle hand to stroke back his wife's dark curly hair and whispered into her ear.

"Shh babe," he said, "it's okay. You're safe, nothing is going to hurt you now."

It took a few minutes but he felt the shaking stop. Ziva's eyes opened slowly and they were filled with fear until her gaze rested on him. Then the fear was replaced with tears and her lips formed his name as she rolled over and buried her face in his chest.

Tony clung to her, his arms firm around her back and waist, wanting her to feel safe. He brushed a kiss on her temple, then moved to her cheek to get rid of some of her tears. Finally his lips found hers. The kiss was short but loving, a way to tell her without words that everything was going to be okay.

It had been two years since the explosion at an abandoned warehouse that had nearly taken their lives and had wiped out Ziva's memory. She awoke in the hospital after four days, wound so tight that she almost gave the doctor a concussion when she threw him against a wall because he tried to take her blood pressure.

She was angry because she didn't remember her own name, let alone those of the strangers suddenly surrounding her. The skills she displayed were as natural as breathing but the razor sharp reflexes scared her, because she didn't know why she had them.

Tony fought all of them - Gibbs, the doctors, his friends - to be allowed to spend close to every single of his waking moments with her. Ziva was his partner and she needed him. When Ziva had opened her eyes in the middle of the night to find a man she did not recognize sitting beside her bed and holding her hand loosely, Tony was smart enough to make no quick movements as he faced the Sig that appeared from under her pillow.

In as few words as possible he explained their connection and his presence in her room. Ziva kept the gun aimed at his head a full thirty seconds longer while sweat trickled down his back until she saw something in his eyes that she believed.

She put the gun away, looked down at their joined hands and asked bluntly, "Are we involved Agent DiNozzo?"

As much as Tony wanted to lie and say yes, to give he and Ziva the chance they'd always missed before, he didn't want to start their friendship like that. So instead he swallowed hard, shook his head once, and decided to be frank with her.

"It's Tony and no, we're not." His voice grew quieter. "But so many times I have wished that we were."

Ziva tilted her head to the side. "Then why are we not?"

His eyebrows rose and Tony was slow to form the excuse. He sighed. "I guess it was never the right time."

She shook her wild curls. "There is no such thing as the right time. You either make a choice or you walk away."

Perhaps it was the amnesia or perhaps it was because they were having one of their first honest conversations in five years of working together, but suddenly Tony realized they had a chance now to do something different, to start over. He could finally do what he should've done a long time ago.

"Okay then," he stated. "I know what I want and I'm making my choice. But let's start as friends first, shall we?" The corners of her lips lifted when he flashed his dazzling DiNozzo grin and offered her his hand. "Tony DiNozzo."

Ziva slipped her hand into his, noting that it fit there like this was how it was supposed to be. "I have been told that my name is Ziva David, but it does not ring any gongs."

Tony choked off a laugh by pretending to cough, unsure how this Ziva would take it. But her English slip reminded him that the woman he'd fallen in love with was still in there somewhere, even if she didn't remember.

"Bells," he corrected, the familiarity of doing so calming him, "'doesn't ring any bells.'" Tony frowned. "Well, it's easy to get confused when you don't know who you are. Gibbs, our boss," he added to clarify, "calls you Ziver sometimes. The Director calls you Agent David. Probie and Abby generally stick with Ziva. And I call you Zi, Ninja, Crazy Chick, Probette, and Zee-vah, to name a few."

Ziva arched one eyebrow at him. "You are trying to confuse me."

He chuckled. "Not yet. Sorry."

She shook her head. "I do not like apologies." Then her eyebrows drew together in a dark line. "I do not know why I said that."

"Rule #6," Tony quoted automatically.

"A rule for what?" Ziva asked.

"Gibs," he explained. "Gibbs has rules, fifty-one of them, and none are written down. You kind of learn as you go." Tony shrugged. "Rule #6 is Never Apologize - it's a sign of weakness."

"I see," Ziva replied slowly, though she really didn't.

They talked for most of the night as Tony tried to catch Ziva up on her life as he knew it. By the next day they were clearly friends, and as the days passed and her condition improved, Ziva grew to respect that man who stuck by her so faithfully.

For his part Tony was aware that because she didn't remember him, he could be whoever he wanted to be now. Ziva didn't know him as the philandering playboy with a smart remark for everything. She was getting to know a more serious man who used his humour to make her smile and not to rile her up.

After a week Ziva was allowed to go home with strict orders from the doctor and Gibbs that she was not to be left alone. So Tony stayed, and took some time off work to help her get reacquainted with her life. The first few days were sad, watching Ziva walk around her apartment as if she'd never been there before, picking things up and looking at everything as she tried to get a clue about who she had been.

Three weeks after the explosion both of them were back at work, though Ziva was starting from scratch, learning to be an investigator all over again. In time she began to fit into her place on the team, though her relationships with Gibbs, Abby, Ducky, and McGee were still in the baby stages. She slowly learned to trust them all again, but especially Tony, who had already proved she could be confident in believing that he'd always have her back.

Weeks became months and Tony and Ziva went from friends to best friends to a shadow of something more. Her past remained a blank except for the small section they'd filled in. Ziva knew nothing of her mother or Tali's deaths, of joining Mossad, about what happened with Ari, or any of her time at NCIS.

The only thing she carried with her was Somalia. Ziva often dreamt of her time in the terror camp, but because she didn't remember the actual event, they scared her even more. And Tony was always there, to help her through, to talk to her until she could fall asleep again, to hold her hand when she needed comfort but would not admit it. She began to depend on him.

Gibbs watched as Tony and Ziva grew closer and slowly became more attached, and more dependant on each other. But he never quoted Rule 12, figuring that Ziva had lost enough, and Tony never asked. When they started dating his nod was a silent blessing, and a year after the explosion Ziva was wearing a diamond ring.

Ziva had an identity now, and a year of memories that confirmed it. Her past was not something she dwelt upon and the blank years had stopped bothering her in recent months. For the first time she could remember, she was content. And as far as she was concerned, Tony was the reason.

Tony and Ziva were married in a simple ceremony, surrounded by their friends, only a few months after their engagement. They were now approaching their first anniversary and despite their sometimes explosive fights, they were happy.

But sometimes there were still nights like tonight when what Ziva didn't remember continued to haunt her. After soaking Tony's shirt with her tears, Ziva drew a shuddering breath.

"I am sorry," she said, pulling back from her husband.

Tony wasn't ready to let her go just yet. "Don't be." He slid his fingers into her hair. "What was it about this time?"

Ziva frowned and rubbed three fingers across her forehead. "There was a man I did not know. He walked into a building and it exploded. There was..." she paused, struggling for words, "...debris and bits of...people laying everywhere. And one little girl missing a pink sandal." She lifted her eyes to his. "My heart is breaking but I do not know why. Should I know her? I feel as if I have lost something dear to me."

Tony's eyes widened and he tightened his grip on her. He hadn't been there but he remembered the night he was tailing Ziva when she came to DC to get Ari, and she told him about losing her little sister. _Oh gosh_, he thought. _She just remembered Tail's death!_

There were some things about her past that they had not told her, some gaps they had not wanted to fill in. Tali and Ari, the reason Somalia happened, her fall-out with her father - those memories they had weeded out from what was shared. If she never remembered, which seemed to be the case as the months passed, they did not want extra things for her to grieve. But this was the first sign that Ziva's amnesia might not be as permanent as they'd thought, and as sometimes Tony had hoped.

He didn't want Ziva to remember who he'd been before. Her love this time had matured him, he was a better person for being with her. And while he loved Ziva as she had been and as she was, he liked the Ziva who was his wife. The old Ziva had only ever been his partner.

Ziva realized he was not with her and tapped his cheek lightly. "Tony."

"What?" he shook himself. "Oh, sorry Zi. I was just thinking." Tony brushed his thumb down her cheek. "The dream sounds awful. Is there anything I can do?" He knew he needed to talk to Gibbs before he started explaining the dream's significance to her.

She looked at him strangely, but did not ask. Dropping her hand to his chest, she voiced once of her fears. It was something Tony was still getting used to, Ziva talking about feelings. The old Ziva never seemed to be afraid of anything.

"What if I never remember Tony? What if I am always the woman without a past? Will you never get tired of being married to a nobody?"

"Ziva," Tony took her face in his hands and held her gaze. "I love you. You are not a nobody, you are my wife. There is nothing wrong with you. You are strong, beautiful, graceful, and confident. You have the best smile, eyes I nearly drown in, and when you kiss me sometimes I forget my name," he joked. "Someday when you look in a mirror, I hope you see what I see. Besides," he leaned close and captured her soft lips with his, "one of these days maybe you'll remember something good."

Ziva's eyes were shining and the smile he loved spread over her face. She laid her palm against his cheek, staring at him. "I do remember something good, every day."

That was all the invitation Tony needed and he kissed her with all the love in his heart. The remaining hours of the night passed by without notice, so lost were they in each other. And when they finally did fall asleep again, Ziva was curled up in Tony's arms, a happy expression on her face. Even though she didn't remember who she was, when she looked into her husband's eyes she knew she'd found everything she'd ever need. With Tony she was home.

_A/N: "Something good" line shamelessly stolen from __**The Bourne Supremacy**__, which I started watching on TV while I was babysitting last night._

_I have the idea to possibly continue this with Ziva's memory returning more and more and her reaction as the old her to be married to Tony. Also Ziva dealing with the emotional trauma of everything she didn't remember and feeling lied to because of everything that was left out._

_Let me know if you are interested. And as always, I'd love to hear what you think! Thanks for reading :D_


	2. Chapter 2: Broken Pieces

The next morning Tony waited until Ziva left to go to the restroom, then he approached Gibbs' desk.

"Boss?" he asked hesitantly. "Can I talk to you?" Tony jerked his head towards the elevator and Gibbs got up and followed him without a word.

When the elevator had stopped between floors, both men leaned back against the walls and Gibbs sighed heavily.

"Ziver?"

Tony nodded. The last two years had been hard on Gibbs because he cared for Ziva a lot, and since she'd lost her memory she only knew him as their boss. There was no special bond between them anymore because of Ari, no more of the father/daughter type of relationship that had developed between them when she was sent back to Israel, or when Gibbs had to leave her there.

She didn't remember the night in the hospital when she had helped Gibbs' memory return, nor the way he'd held her as she grieved for her brother for the first time. There were no moments she held dear of serious conversations in Gibbs' basement, like when she asked him to come back from Mexico to help her, or when they were still figuring things out after she returned from Somalia.

Ziva no longer carried with her the way Gibbs had saved her life in the desert and killed her enemy, or the moment in interrogation after Malachai left, when he made her finish the story of how she ended up captured, and then told her not to apologize when he welcomed her home as a daughter. Tony knew Gibbs missed the relationship he and Ziva had shared, but that didn't stop him from trying to be involved and helping however he could now.

Tony rubbed one hand over his face. "She dreamt about Tali's death last night." He met the older man's eyes. "What am I supposed to tell her Boss? Do I tell her there's a lot we left out? Oh, by the way Ziva, your mom and little sister died and you shot your brother to protect the man you work for but don't remember?" He shoved his fingers through his short hair. "Do I have to break her heart before she knows why? Boss, there's things I don't want her to remember!"

Gibbs regarded the agent in front of him who was oozing compassion for the woman he loved and worrying about how not to hurt her. Tony was a far cry now from the immature man he'd been two years ago, and Gibbs knew he had this new Ziva to thank for the change. Tony had become who he was for her and he liked himself a lot better these days.

The older man waited until Tony looked at him. "They're her memories DiNozzo, she has a right to them."

"But now?" he asked. "After two years? I thought we were getting a fresh start, a second chance. But it will be all for nothing if her memory comes back and she knows who I used to be. She'll hate me for how I treated her when I was with Jeanne, for what happened with Jenny, for Michael and Israel and Somalia because they are all my fault. And what about her dad Gibbs? What about when she remembers that he sent her to die? I don't want her to remember the betrayals. I don't want to have to go back to living without her love."

"Hey," Gibbs put his hands on Tony's shoulders, forcing the younger man to meet his eyes, "do you love Ziva?"

Tony frowned, as if Gibbs didn't know. "Yes."

"Do you love her from when she was just your partner?"

Tony sighed. "I knew I loved her when we found her alive in Somalia. Before that," he shrugged. "I'm not sure I knew what love really was."

The serious, honest answer surprised Gibbs, though he should be used to this thoughtful, mature Tony by now. "Love her through this Tony, because whatever else she remembers, it's not going to be easy for the two of you or any of us, but you've made it a year without her past. I think you can make it a lifetime with it."

Tony nodded slowly and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Tali?" he asked.

Gibbs flipped the switch back. "She needs to know Tony. Do you want me there?"

"Yeah," Tony said at last. "Yeah, I think you should come."

"Okay."

A couple hours later when Ziva returned from delivering something to Abby, Tony stood up to greet her. "Sweetheart?" he asked, and saw Gibbs move towards them out of the corner of his eye.

Ziva's eyebrows raised in interest. He usually kept the pet names out of work.

Tony held out his hand and nodded towards their boss. "We need to talk to you."

She frowned, but took his hand and let Tony lead her to an empty conference room, wondering what this was about and concerned because she hadn't seen him look this serious in a long time. Once inside she turned to face the two of them.

"What is going on?"

Tony's gaze flickered to Gibbs, who nodded. He pulled out a chair for her. "Zeev, honey, maybe you better sit down."

Ziva crossed her arms. "I will stand." Her husband looked nervous and Ziva was getting annoyed. "Just say it Tony, whatever it is."

For a second she sounded so much like the old Ziva that Tony was taken back to the arguments they used to have. Then he shook his head and met her eyes. "Do you remember the dream you had last night? About the suicide bomber and the little girl?"

Ziva eyed her boss who was standing quietly in the corner. "Yes," she answered slowly, not sure why Tony was bringing it up in front of Gibbs.

"And how you felt like you lost something dear to you?"

The dream cam back to Ziva in flashes and her head started to pound. "Please Tony," she whispered, "I do not wish to think about it."

Tony came closer and took her hands in his, no longer able to keep from touching her. He brushed back one long curl. "That wasn't just a dream Ziva," he told her softly, "it was a memory. The little girl," he sighed, "she was your sister. T-"

"Tali." Suddenly it was like she was back in Israel, watching it happen all over again. Ziva sank back into the chair, hugging her arms around herself and rocking gently back and forth. "Oh Tali, Tali," she murmured. "My poor little butterfly."

Ziva lapsed into Hebrew then, as she often did when stressed, and Gibbs and Tony exchanged glances, unsure of what to do. The old Ziva never let herself get emotional like that. She'd come to NCIS with so many layers and walls built up and masks she wore, that it had taken them years to see even glimpses of her as vulnerable, truly human.

Tony couldn't leave his wife like that, suffering alone. He knelt in front of her chair. "Ziva, hey," he said gently, willing her to look at him. When she did, her eyes were wet with tears. "Talk to me babe."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, broken inside.

In a rather graceful motion for a former football player, Tony moved Ziva from the chair, seated himself in it, and settled her in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her curled up body, holding her securely as he tried to think of words to say that might help.

"I miss her," Ziva's spoke, her voice muffled by his shirt. "I miss her so much. She was the only joy in my life after...after," she frowned, looking confused and finally shrugged. "I do not know what after, it is gone again. I almost wish I had not remembered at all."

"That's why we didn't tell you Ziver," Gibbs said, moving to a chair that faced the two of them. Ziva looked up from Tony's shoulder.

"Why?" she asked, still sounding hurt.

It was Tony's turn. "Because Zeev, if your memory never came back, we didn't want you to have a bunch of things to grieve that you might never know for yourself. We thought we were doing the right thing. And the more time that passed, the more we thought maybe this was how it was supposed to be, a fresh start for all of us."

Ziva sat up and stared at her husband. "A bunch of things? A fresh start? Tony, what is it that you are not telling me?"

Tony took hold of her hand, his thumb caressing her wedding band. "I can't Ziva...I can't tell you any more. If you remember, if your memories come back I promise I will explain everything. But for now can we just pretend that you have always loved me? That it has always been us the way we are now?"

She shook her head slowly. "You are scaring me Tony."

"Let it go for now Ziver," Gibbs put in. "Time to get back to work. More things may come back, or maybe they won't. We'll be here for you either way." He exited the room, leaving the couple alone for one more minute together.

They both stood up, Tony staying close to Ziva. "Can I kiss you?"

Unsure as she was about the conversation she'd just been part of, Ziva saw desperation she didn't understand in her husband's eyes. She slid her long fingers into his carefully arranged hair. "Tony, you do not have to ask."

When his lips met hers, Tony allowed himself to think, just for a moment, that they were going to be okay, that this is how things would stay. But despite the fact that Ziva had no problem returning his kiss, Tony knew that like it or not, their perfect world of the last year was about to change. Probably drastically, possibly forever, maybe irreversibly. So he clung to his wife now, hoping and praying that this wasn't the last time she'd let him touch her. Because the next thing she remembered might make her wish she would never see him again.

**NCIS**

Later that night Tony and Ziva were sitting at home watching a movie together. He'd been slowly reintroducing her to all his favourite movies again, because she didn't remember seeing them during all the movie nights they'd shared years ago. After two years of starting from scratch, they were nearing the end of Tony's movie collection, with Ziva watching them all as if for the first time.

In the middle of a critical scene, Ziva paused the DVD and turned slightly to face her husband. "Tony," she asked, still thinking about their conversation from the morning, "what are you afraid that I will remember?"

Tony flipped the remote over in his hand. "What makes you think I'm afraid?" he said, not looking at her.

Ziva wouldn't stand for his attempts to deflect the conversation, so she moved slower and straddled Tony's lap facing him, knowing she'd have his attention then, even if the position made it slightly hard for him to concentrate on her words. She put her hands on either side of his face and tilted his head up, making him meet her eyes.

"Tony, tell me," she requested softly.

Tony shook his head, his hands resting on her hips, still looking away from her. "I can't. I can't Zeev, because if I do, I might lose you sooner and I need to hold onto this, to what we have now, as long as I can."

Ziva shook her head slowly. "You cannot lose me Tony, I am right here. And I will always have your back. We are more than partners now, yes?"

"Now," he said hoarsely, "but there was a time when that's all we were. I can't go back to that Ziva, I can't be without you again. The last time almost killed me. I can't," he broke off.

It was clear to Ziva then that words would not make things right for her husband tonight. So instead she covered his lips with hers, kissing him thoroughly, then more urgently as she felt his hesitation. Ziva pressed her body into his, grinning against Tony's lips when she felt him grip her hips as the desire in his body became more obvious.

Breaking away, Ziva's twinkling eyes caught Tony's, which had gone smoky, as they always did when he wanted her. She got up, took his hand, and lead her husband backwards down the hall to their room. He pulled her back against him when they stopped by the bed, and Ziva's fingers deftly started working the buttons on Tony's shirt.

Both panting now, Ziva moved to whisper in Tony's ear. "I will show you that I am not going anywhere _ahava_, I will remind you of my love. And you will not be able to remember that you are afraid."

Tony groaned into her neck and took her lips forcefully, parting them and slipping his tongue into her mouth to taste her. Their clothes fell to the floor as the couple fought to get closer, needing to feel, needing to know their love tangibly tonight. Afterwards, Ziva lay in Tony's arms, his fingers lightly running through her hair. Their time together had been amazing, as it always was, but he couldn't shake the dread in his heart about what would happen if all Ziva's memories suddenly came back.

He settled his arms around her a little more firmly and Ziva responded to the need in his touch, nestling herself against his side. "I love you Zeev," he whispered, kissing her head.

She traced circles on his chest and kissed his warm skin. "You are my home Tony," she said softly, her hand resting over his sternum. "And here is my heart."

Their lips melded together for a long kiss before they finally settled down to sleep. Tony was so thankful for his wife, for having her here in his arms. He wanted everything to stay just like this. Closing his eyes, Tony willed himself to dream of Ziva, of her love for him. Her soft breathing beside him was his proof that for now, everything was still okay.


	3. Chapter 3: Friends and Strangers

When Ziva finally returned to work after the explosion, the team was very different. Gibbs, Ducky, Abby and McGee were no longer friends, they were acquaintances, people she remembered because they had often come to visit her, and had brought her many get well cards and presents. But they had no inside jokes, no shared camaraderie, no moments from the past that tied them together. Their friendships were beginning again at square one.

However, the situation was completely reversed from when she first became part of NCIS. Now, Abby loved her because they'd become friends in a different way than she and Kate had been friends, but they had still learned to value each other and to find things to love and share. McGee had enjoyed Ziva's support in his fights with Tony, even if she often joined the teasing. Especially after Somalia, she'd started to look out for him, and he knew she was still trying to say thank you without words.

Ducky remembered the difficulty he had initially in getting her to drop the "doctor" title, and had watched her grow and change in her years with them. He often wished to see those shared memories reflected in her eyes, and he never gave up hope that one day she would return to them fully.

Gibbs, well, he was still Gibbs. The no-nonsense boss who spoke little and expected much. But he still trusted Ziva with his life, she had proved herself time and time again, and he would always love her, whether she ever remembered that he was the closest thing she had to a father now, or not.

In time, as Ziva was often sent down to the lab to get a report from Abby or to deliver evidence, the two women became friends again. For Abby of course, it was hard, watching the friend she knew change so much. But this Ziva was more open, her eyes were brighter, and she smiled more, even if she was more reserved than she had been, with everyone on the team except Tony.

McGee worked his way back into a relationship with Ziva - helping her with paperwork, bringing her tea when they were working late, stopping to chat about her latest score on the shooting range or the chapter he'd finished in his newest book. She had no idea the books were about them because she hadn't read them, and nobody else bothered to spill the secret that wasn't really a secret anymore. Eventually the smiles she gave him turned more personal, and her actions began to reflect their growing friendship.

When a hot-shot detective had tried to tell McGee he was wrong about something he found online in the suspect's bank records, Ziva had nearly stared a hole in the man's forehead before she informed him in clipped words that McGee didn't make mistakes and warned him to leave her teammate alone to do his job. That day Tim knew he had a place in Ziva's heart again.

And Ducky, well, it was impossible not to love Ducky. He treated her just the same as he had before, always calling her 'my dear', or putting a grandfatherly hand on her shoulder and smiling like she was family. Ziva never failed to feel special in his presence.

With Gibbs, everything had changed. He was no longer a father figure, he was her boss. She had his trust and he had hers, because it was essential when working in the field. They shared a mutual respect, but no special connection underscored their relationship now, and Gibbs was the only one who felt empty without it.

Tony, because he was becoming someone else for Ziva, was forced to change his relationships with his co-workers as well. Gibbs became his confidant, the one he would talk to whenever he had concerns about Ziva. They grew closer because of those shared conversations, feeling less like boss and agent and more like family, at least sometimes.

With McGee, the change was gradual, but he teased the younger agent less and depended on him more. Until their accident, Tony never realized how many friends he didn't have, and he was determined to change that now. McGee would come over to help him fix TV problems, and in turn Tony would order a pizza and watch any movie the probie chose. Now they often went out for drinks, sometimes a meal, and spent more time at work helping one another instead of getting on each other's nerves.

Abby he'd always loved and gotten along with well, but knowing that he might never have seen her again, Tony was determined never to take any time with her for granted. He gave more hugs, bought more Caf-Pows, and listened to her ramblings with more patience than ever before. It made him feel like a person, to finally give to others instead of focusing always and only on himself.

And that was the way things stayed. Ziva knew no different and slowly settled into her role again. Gibbs often glanced at the desk beside him with longing, but turned away before anyone could read it in his eyes. McGee enjoyed talking to Ziva and seeing her with Tony, he was thankful for the changes her love had made in his friend.

Abby often sighed, wishing for the days when the old Ziva and she used to fight and scrap until they finally came to an understanding. But she took what she could get and continued pouring love into her friend because she didn't know how to do anything else. Tony always wore a smile, because every time he looked at Ziva he knew he wouldn't change a thing. This, them together and in love, this was how things were supposed to be.

**NCIS**

Ziva was looking through her closet one evening, trying to choose an outfit for an event they were covering as protection detail for Director Vance. Suddenly she frowned and turned around. "Tony, when were we at a hotel?"

Tony was in the middle of putting his pants on. He gave her a scared look like this was a trick question. Then he grinned and snapped his fingers. "Valentine's Day, our six month. You wore that great red dress and left your hair down." For a moment he was lost in the memory, hoping to get brownie points for recalling the details.

But Ziva shook her head. "No. I remember Valentine's Day. When did I wear a green dress?"

Seven years of memories flew past Tony, taking him back to their first undercover assignment together. He swallowed hard. "That was...that was before. A couple months after you joined our team."

Ziva sank down on the bed. "But we were not together before." In her mind she saw herself kissing Tony, undressing for him, and she didn't understand.

Tony laced their fingers together and sat down beside her. "No. It was an undercover assignment. We were pretending to be married."

She looked around a little nervously. "How far did we pretend?" It was disconcerting to remember a moment and not everything.

Tony grinned and kissed her cheek. "No more than making out and putting on a show for anyone watching." He saw her mildly disbelieving look and understood, because normally when they were in bed he couldn't keep his hands off her unless she threatened to remove them."I promise Zeev, the first time I slept with you was our wedding night. You were never one of those easy girls."

Ziva's smile slowly returned and she leaned in to kiss him. "Am I easy now, Tony?" she asked, eyes twinkling.

Tony groaned inside and his fingers tightened on hers. That was not a fair question when they had somewhere to go. "When you want to be," he choked out, trying to remember why this function was so important.

She winked at him, noticing his discomfort. "Ask me later," Ziva whispered, going back to the closet.

Tony watched her walk across the room, hips swaying slightly, and shut his eyes. He was head over heels in love with his wife, a goner every time she looked at him, never mind the suggestion in her tone, and now he had at least four hours before he was allowed to touch her the way he longed to. It just wasn't fair.

"Hurry up Tony," Ziva smiled from the bathroom doorway, knowing exactly what she did to her husband and enjoying every minute, "we are going to be late."

Tony glared at her and got up to finish dressing. She'd pay for that...later.

**NCIS**

Hours later Tony and Ziva stumbled through their front door, laughing and hanging all over each other. For the entire duration of the event they'd been stationed on opposite sides of the hall, and then the ballroom when the dance started up. Their job for the evening, along with Gibbs and McGee, was to remain silent, vigilant shadows. And because they were not the only two on the Director's detail, the couple couldn't use the comms to talk. So they had to settle for looks and the occasional gesture.

Ziva could tell by her husband's expression that the fire she'd kindled in him earlier was still burning. It had become a dangerous smoulder by the time they left together, and when he cornered her in the elevator on their way upstairs, she couldn't resist the giggle that slipped out as his mouth sought hers and his hands roamed over parts of her body only he was allowed to touch.

The elevator dinged and Ziva had pushed him away, straightening her dress and smoothing her hair. But his eyes told her all that work was for naught, as soon as he had her alone her dress would be the first thing to go. The older couple that joined them at the third floor took in their flushed cheeks and linked hands and smiled knowingly. For two floors Ziva worked discretely to make her husband keep his hands to himself, and when the doors opened, the white haired man and wife parted to allow them to leave.

"You kids have fun now," the gentleman told them with a wink, while his wife shushed him and Tony and Ziva tried to contain their laughter. Ziva always marveled at how easy it was for others to tell that she and Tony were in love. And yet, she'd decided that it must be a good thing that they couldn't hide it. That must mean what they had was very special indeed.

Now that they were safely locked in the privacy of their own apartment, Tony barely took time to drop his keys and kick off his shoes before he pulled her tightly against him and began whispering very intimate things in her ear while he fumbled with the zipper on her dress and tugged the elastic out of her hair.

Ziva leaned into his embrace, pulling gently at his earlobe with her lips and running her fingers through his hair, making no move at all to stop his ministrations. She could feel the tension in his body and knew when his self-control snapped. He growled softly and picked her up, carrying her the rest of the distance to their room. Within seconds their remaining clothes lay in a heap on the floor and Tony was busy showing his wife exactly how easy she could be.

Later on, when the fire was spent and they lay together in their bed trying to catch their breath, Ziva pulled the sheet up to her chest and rolled over on her side, her head resting on Tony's bicep while her long fingers swirled delicately through his chest hair.

"We have done this before, yes?" she asked, their position and her current actions feeling very much like intense deja vu.

"Many times Zeev," Tony said roughly, kissing her sweaty curls. "And I have enjoyed each one a little bit more."

"No," she shook her head, smirking at him. "I have not forgotten any of our time together Tony, but this has happened before, has it not?" Ziva sat up and held the sheet against her as she gestured to how he lay on their bed and tugged gently on the hair covering his chest.

A lazy grin spread over Tony's face. "Well, being undercover was fun too." He winked at her. "First time I ever saw you naked."

Her eyes widened and she smacked his chest lightly. "Like what you saw DiNozzo?" Ziva's arched eyebrows questioned as she mimicked Gibbs' tone.

"Oh...oh yeah." His eyes raked heatedly over all of her skin that was visible and Ziva was sure he could see right through the ivory sheet covering her.

She laid back down happily. "Well, as long as that is settled."

"You wouldn't actually doubt that, would you?" Tony asked incredulously, making eye contact with her.

Ziva pretended to think about it and then shook her head slowly. "No, I supposed not. But a massage may do more to convince me."

Usually massages preceded their time together, but he had no problem indulging her with one as a reward for the pleasure she'd given him tonight. "Roll over," he said in a low voice, eager to run his fingers over her skin again. As she did, he saw the smile and narrowed his eyes. "Hey, you did remember about that night in the hotel."

"Parts of it," she admitted, feeling very pleased with herself.

Tony bent down and whispered in her ear. "Shouldn't I be getting the massage then?" The picture of them in bed together as they pretended to be a married couple enjoying each other's company had been forever burned into his memory. But in his version, he was the one getting pampered.

She turned her head enough to see him out of the corner of one eye. "You got one last time. I do not remember that favour being returned."

He chuckled, unable to argue. "Fair enough." Starting with her shoulders, he worked his fingers into her muscles, loving any chance to put his hands on her. Something he'd said when they were undercover came back to him. Tony wasn't sure if Ziva held that part in her newly recovered memory of the assignment or not, but he wanted to make sure she knew what he believed now.

"And for the record," he said, kissing each faded mark on her skin leftover from three months of hell in North Africa, "you are way too good for me. But you married me anyway and I will never take that for granted."

Ziva wasn't sure why he said that, but she rolled over anyway and drew his mouth to hers. Massage forgotten for now, Tony covered her body with his own and let his hands and lips do the talking, telling his wife just how much he loved and needed her. He wanted this to last forever.


	4. Chapter 4: Flashbacks and Flirting

Slowly, over the next few weeks, bits and pieces of Ziva's memory started to come back. The memories did not return in chronological order, but were usually inspired by an event or a thought or something someone said. The first memory to pop up after the one from their undercover assignment was more of an observation, and it wasn't even really about them.

Ziva was leaning against the edge of Tony's desk, enjoying the chance to be in his personal space while Gibbs was out getting coffee. Tony of course, was completely distracted by his wife's nearness. She had on a Bohemian style purple blouse that grew tight around her hips. The way she was standing caused the material to ride up a bit and he drew his finger along the line of skin that became visible between her shirt and pants.

Lost in her thoughts and staring out the window, Ziva barely noticed her husband's touch and it wasn't nearly as much fun for Tony if he couldn't get some kind of reaction out of her. He was about to let his hand slide a little further south just to see what she would do, when Ziva's eyes met his.

"Abby did not like me when I first came, did she?"

Frowning, Tony stood up and hooked his hands together behind her back. "Where did that come from?"

Ziva shrugged. "I remember..." The words still sounded rather foreign to her. For all of the weeks of her recovery and the months of her learning to be someone when she had nowhere to start and nothing to go off of, she'd never remembered anything. Now, with two years of identity and experience behind her, Ziva often used the words, but when she talked about an actual memory from before the warehouse, the words had greater meaning and significance.

"I remember Abby being all...dressed up, in a light blue business suit. I do not know what I said, but she did not like it." Ziva's brow wrinkled. "And she did not say my name right on purpose."

Tony remembered those days as well. "Abby and Kate were very close. When you joined the team, Abby felt like Kate had been replaced. She doesn't welcome people outside of the team very well and it takes her a long time to get used to change."

"But we were friends before the warehouse?" Ziva knew the facts that had been told to her about her life before the explosion, but she had no memories to back them up.

"Yes, eventually the two of you figured it out and became good friends. And you are friends now too, but it's different than before."

"Everything is different," Ziva sighed. "I am not sure if different is good."

Tony's eyebrows rose. "What about us?"

Ziva slanted her eyes at him, a flirty smile playing on her lips. She glanced over her shoulder to check for Gibbs, then leaned in and kissed him quickly. "Of course we are good Tony. If this is what different is, then I know it is good. But sometimes I wonder what I was like before."

Tony raised her hand to his lips and kissed her ring. "You weren't my wife before Zeev. It would be such a great loss if that part hadn't changed."

"Would you miss me Tony?" Ziva asked quietly, tracing his lips with her index finger.

"Every second," he whispered, claiming her lips for longer this time.

They were knocked apart when Tony's body jerked forward and they turned to face Gibbs' glaring gaze. "David, DiNozzo, keep it out of the office!" he declared firmly, though secretly the older man loved to watch his agents in love. He missed his relationship with Ziva from before, but if the warehouse hadn't happened, neither would Tony and Ziva. For now it was worth the loss.

**NCIS**

A week later the team was standing in the squadroom watching footage from earlier that day when a small naval vessel had mysteriously blown up. McGee kept rewinding the footage and watching the explosion over and over, trying to figure out the timing and looking for a trigger. Ziva just wished he would stop.

After the third time her head was pounding, and by the fifth time it was no longer a ship that she saw but a green car on a city street. In her mind she watched as an explosion ripped through the car and the shock of it sent her to her knees.

"TONY!" she screamed, curling in on herself, the memory returning with a vengeance.

Tony was in the breakroom grabbing a snack when he heard Ziva's desperate cry ring through the air. Dropping everything, he raced to the bullpen and found Ziva kneeling on the floor while Gibbs and McGee stared at her in concern.

"What happened?" he demanded, but they didn't have an explanation.

Tony fell to the floor beside his wife, wrapping his arms around her. Ziva's body jerked in surprise and she opened tightly closed eyes to gape at him, fresh tears clouding the chocolate orbs.

"Shh Ziva, it's okay. I promise, it's okay." He didn't know what this was about but he was determined to find out.

Ziva clung to him, kissing him, touching him, needing to make sure he was real. "Your-your car," she said brokenly, but Tony didn't get it until he looked up to see the picture paused in mid-explosion. He dropped his head to Ziva's shoulder and buried his hands in her curly hair, knowing now what she'd remembered. The La Grenouille case when his car had blown up and it had been hours before they knew it wasn't him in it.

He held her tighter. "I know Ziva, I know. But I'm okay. I wasn't in the car, remember?" Gibbs and McGee moved back to their desks, trying to give the couple a speck of privacy. Not that Tony and Ziva even noticed they weren't the only two in the room.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered. "Your badge...your phones. We had to take pictures, to pretend like it was any other crime scene, but it was not." She put her palm flat on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart, assuring herself that he was really alive.

"My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest." She frowned, hugging her arms around herself. "Why did I care so much? We were not together, why did it hurt so bad?"

Tony kept his hand on her neck, his eyes locked on hers even as she withdrew her touch. "We were close Ziva, even then we were close. You were my best friend." He tucked a curl behind her ear. "Maybe we always cared that much but never had the courage to show it."

He looked desperately at Gibbs over Ziva's head. He was terrified that she would remember Jeanne next and what if she hated him then? He couldn't be without her, not again.

Ziva blinked back her tears, graceful fingers tracing the rings on her left hand. "When did you know you loved me Tony? Before the warehouse, or after that night in the hospital?"

Keeping the couple stuff out of the office was not a priority right now. Tony leaned forward and kissed his wife, taking his time even though there were eyes on them. He pulled her into his arms again. "Somalia," he whispered in her ear, "when I thought you were dead. That's when I knew I didn't want to live without you, couldn't, as it turned out."

He took possession of her lips again for a long moment before moving back to look at her. Tony brushed his knuckles down her cheek. "Are you okay?"

Ziva nodded and Tony held out his hands to help her stand up. He wrapped his arms around her slim body again, holding her close until he felt her draw a deep breath and when he pulled away, she was almost herself again. He started to head back to his desk, but Ziva gripped his hand. "Don't go," she whispered.

Tony glanced pleadingly at Gibbs, not sure what to do. Gibbs stared at them and then nodded once. "Time for lunch," he said gruffly, and Ziva's smile was worth losing both his agents for an hour. Gibbs didn't care if they actually got food or if Tony took his wife home to comfort her another way, as long as they were back here, able to focus and work in sixty minutes.

"Thanks Boss," Tony said under his breath, grabbing his jacket, phone, keys, and gun with one hand because Ziva wouldn't let go of his other one. He knew he should be happy that Ziva's memories were coming back, but he was scared. There was so much he didn't want her to remember.

**NCIS**

Later that week after a grueling case that had run them ragged for four days, Ziva and Tony were getting ready for bed. It had been a long day and both were glad to be home. Ziva was sitting on the edge of the bed in a short, silk, olive green nightie, rubbing lotion into her arms. When she reached her shoulders she frowned, running her fingers lightly over the long, dark scars that started there.

"I often wonder how I got these," she commented.

Tony finished undressing and sat down beside her, his fingers covering hers. "You never told me," he said softly. "But now that I've seen them, I think I'd be afraid to ask even if you knew the answer. I'm not sure I would want to know how badly someone hurt you."

Ziva felt how his hands trembled slightly and she turned to look over her shoulder at him, seeing the pain in his eyes. "They do not hurt Tony," she said gently.

Her husband's voice was choked. "Can I kiss them better anyway?"

With a smile Ziva nodded, shivering slightly when she felt Tony's lips graze the top of her back. He kissed down her skin until he reached the part her nightgown covered, his fingers trailing after his lips as if to rub the kisses in. Then he brought his hands to her shoulders, his thumbs kneading the knots at the bottom of her neck.

Ziva melted into him, moving her head to find his lips. Tony kissed her gently, passionately, even though they were both too tired to go any farther tonight. He just couldn't resist showing her how he felt about her. Cupping her cheek in his hand, Tony looked into her eyes. "I love you Ziva," he whispered.

Her lips brushed the corner of his mouth. "Ani ohev atach," she murmured before they crawled under the covers.

Was there ever a time when he had not loved her? Ziva wondered. Because ever since she woke up in the hospital to find him in her room, she was sure he'd loved her in every day that followed. And as she molded her body against his back, her arm draped over Tony's waist while they fell asleep together, enjoying his solid warmth surrounding her, Ziva knew she'd started loving him that night too.

**NCIS**

Saturday morning Tony and Ziva lay in bed together, a little awake but mostly asleep until Tony's fingers started traveling up Ziva's arm. She squirmed a little but said nothing. When he reached her chest and gave her a wicked look, Ziva pulled the sheet tightly around herself and shook her head.

"I thought they were not worth dying over," she smirked.

Tony's mouth fell open. "That's...that's different."

Ziva arched her eyebrows. "And why is it different?"

"Well, there was a bomb!" Tony said incredulously.

"And if the view down my shirt had been the last thing you had seen before you died?"

Tony's heart skipped a beat. Talk about an unfair question! How was he going to get out of this one? Finally he shrugged. "Wouldn't be my first choice but I sure wouldn't complain about it either."

Ziva looked at him like he was digging an unmanageable hole. "What was your first choice Tony?"

He pulled her against him, flipping the sheet away so nothing separated their bodies from touching. "I would've gone out in a blaze of glory with you wrapped in my arms Ziva David-DiNozzo."

She brushed her nose against his. "But I was not yours. And still you stayed. We could have died if I had cut the wrong wire. Why did you stay?"

Tony pushed back her hair gently and pressed his lips to hers. "Because you're my partner Zeev. And you never leave your partner behind. I'm sure it's a rule," he shrugged, "somewhere."

That answer was enough to earn him another kiss. And another. And another. Somewhere between making out and making love, the morning hours flew by, though neither half of the couple laying tangled together in bed took any notice. When they were together, sharing their bodies in a way that made their love tangible, time was endless.

**NCIS**

On their way to a crime scene one day, Tony was driving for a change while Ziva sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window. After a prolonged silence, Tony glanced at her, reaching for her hand. When she pulled away, he frowned. "Ziva? What's wrong honey?"

Avoiding his gaze, Ziva fiddled with her nails. Finally she sighed and looked up. "Do you remember when I shot that serial killer Tony?"

Cocking his head to the side, Tony weighed the seriousness in her voice and her face. "Which one?"

She frowned. "Has there been more than one?"

Tony shrugged. "You've been on the team for five years Zeev, I can't even remember all the different people I've shot in that time period."

Ziva swallowed. "The man who took me to an abandoned building. I was pretending to be his girlfriend."

A scene flashed in Tony's head. Running into the cement building, guns drawn. Ziva laying on the floor, blood on her white shirt and the scumbag they were after collapsed on top of her. Gibbs helping Ziva up, checking her head. Ziva saying she was fine, then drinking all night in a bar and reacting violently when he tried to touch her.

He nodded tightly. "I remember."

"I almost died." She spoke the words softly.

"Rule number eleven," Tony quoted, "when the job is done, walk away." He shook his head. "You couldn't. That one stuck with you for days, like it was haunting you."

"I saw it in my dreams," she told him, but Tony wasn't sure if she was talking about last night or about the night after it happened.

"I was jealous when you went home with that guy, when you let him be the one to comfort you."

Ziva curled her pinky around his, still feeling the heaviness of that moment when she turned but not quick enough and the bullet grazed her head. She reached up to feel for a scar at her hairline, but if it was there it had long since faded away. "Would you have taken me home Tony?"

He regarded her seriously. "To sleep, maybe. I would've offered a hug, a shoulder to cry on if you needed it. But as much as I wanted you, I don't know if I would've taken advantage of how upset you were or not." Tony bit his lip. "I might've."

Ziva shook her head slowly. "You are not that selfish ahava. You would have been a gentleman."

On the outside, he smiled a little and let the silence flow comfortably between them. On the inside Tony was thinking dark thoughts. _You have no idea what I used to do, who I used to be. I only hope you never remember that, because you will not recognize that man. I want you only to see what I have become Ziva, because I did it all for you._


	5. Chapter 5: The Moment of Truth

It was a Thursday and Tony was teasing Ziva in the squadroom. Normally they bantered back and forth most of the day, but today her head had been bothering her even though she hadn't said anything, and his jokes were getting on her nerves. Finally she marched over to his desk, grabbed a paperclip from Tony's desk organizer and got right in his face.

"I will kill you eighteen different ways with this paper clip," she hissed and Tony's eyes widened at the once familiar phrase.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, memories of the five years at NCIS that she'd been missing, plus all the memories from her childhood and life in Mossad that had been erased, suddenly flashed before her eyes in one long string, like one of Tony's endless movies.

Ziva saw herself walking into NICS and asking Tony if he was having phone sex, then making sure she got his attention when she sat in McGee's chair and unwrapped her hair. And there she was in Gibbs' basement, holding the gun and singing softly in Hebrew as her brother bled out on the cold floor.

Before she could blink Gibbs was taking her weapons away and she and McGee had been pushed in a fountain. Then Ziva remembered her friendship with Jenny and the op in Cairo that had nearly cost the redhead her life. Going undercover with Tony was next, full memories of their time in the hotel and enjoying the roles they played, as she secretly wondered what it would've been like if they'd gone all the way.

She watched herself slowly develop relationships with the team, always keeping Gibbs' secret about his family. Finally getting along with Abby after volunteering to help with the puzzle of a suitcase blown to smithereens. McGee giving her a tour of DC as she learned her way around.

Being partnered with Tony and everything that went with that. Trapped in a shipping container all day as they tried different things to help someone locate them, and the dinner she made him afterwards - it was the first time he'd seen her place or eaten her cooking. It had been a good night, even if he had whined about his arm the whole time.

More memories continued to flood in and Ziva was frozen in place, seeing them fly by with such speed she was dizzy just trying to keep up. Gibbs in the hospital with amnesia and the night she went to help him remember. The ship exploding in MTAC and soon afterwards, Gibbs walking out on them. Four months of being under Tony's leadership, spending endless nights watching movies and being a support when he wasn't sure he could do this anymore. That was when they'd truly become friends and maybe more.

The day she'd been set up by a rogue Mossad agent came back to her and Ziva remembered hiding in Gibbs' basement and calling Mexico to ask him to come and save her. Then the time Tony was framed for murder and the lengths they went to so they could clear him. Their many car rides and arguments and years as partners, always watching each other's backs.

It hurt to remember how he always had a different girl, how they never took the chances they'd had because of Rule 12, how her loving husband had once thoughtlessly and carelessly lived his life with little regard for others, no matter how much they cared.

And Jeanne. Ziva remembered calling Tony all the time, being worried that he was sick, and hurt because he loved another when he could've had her. The day his car exploded she already knew, but Ziva realized she never told him she was glad he was okay, not when they were just partners.

Girls' Nights Out with Abby and drinks with the team were next. Christmas, birthdays, and other holidays, Ducky's stories, teasing McGee, baiting Tony, respecting Gibbs but always enjoying a special understanding with him, a connection they'd been missing for the last two years. Feeling it now, Ziva could only wonder if he'd missed having that.

LA darted before her eyes. Knowing something was wrong but unable to convince Tony, and by the time he would listen it was too late. She mourned her friend anew, but was especially grieved for Tony being reassigned alone and how she hadn't been there to help him through the guilt and despair Ziva knew had eaten him up inside.

Being sent back to Israel, their team family split up and scattered to the winds. Returning to her place in Mossad, once again under her father's leadership, and trying to find herself when it used to be second nature. And when she finally was readjusting to life in Israel, she was ordered to go back and Gibbs welcomed her home with a hug, more affection than her own father had ever showed. Finding McGee already at his desk, getting a welcome home hug from Abby, and waiting impatiently as Gibbs fought to have Tony brought back to the team as well. Even then she hadn't told him that it was good to see him, but had still tried minutely to show that she cared, not wanting to risk too much.

Then the months of secretly meeting Michael and leading Tony on, playing up his obvious jealously followed. Ziva recalled being angry at her partner's suspicions, annoyed that he didn't t have confidence in her instinct. It was a slow process, losing their trust and her finally her faith in her team, and the next thing shew knew she was running into her apartment, gun drawn to find Michael dying and Tony injured, so angry she wouldn't listen to reason, wouldn't believe Tony's report, wouldn't let him tell her the truth she didn't want to hear.

Her heart hurt as Ziva watched herself go home again, this time to stay when Gibbs walked away and left her on the tarmac. She recalled her fight with Tony when he couldn't fight back and all the ugly accusations she'd thrown at him, grief and hatred and worry and care all mixed together so badly she couldn't tell one from the other or see straight enough to figure out that she hadn't been betrayed by those who mattered the most.

Being assigned to Michael's spot on the Kidon team, mechanically following her father's order to finish what he'd started, not caring anymore about anyone or anything. The ship, the Marine, the gun fight, and walking away in the end, alone. Somalia looked familiar now, recognizable from snatches of a thousand nightmares that had haunted her since that summer. She forced a neutral expression as images, actions, and pain remembered rained down on her.

Ziva thought of seeing Tony again, of no longer having the strength to hope when they pulled off the black hood and he was sitting right in front of her. Being rescued by Gibbs, and going home, finally. Even if by that time she had no idea what home was or where she was going to go now.

Apologizing to Tony at long last, never wondering why it was always in the restroom that they had their serious conversations. Returning to their friendship, regaining Gibbs' trust, studying to become an American citizen, cutting ties with her father, officially being accepted as an NCIS agent, and the night she and Tony had spent in Paris, the picture he gave her that was his favourite, of her smiling in the sunlight.

And then the warehouse. Moving in at Tony's side with gun drawn, seeing the bomb too late, running to tackle him out of the way, the blast taking her down before she had a chance. That was the end of the missing time, because the last two years were still hers, even though a different Ziva stared back at her from those memories, one without walls and masks, one who'd learned how to love and be loved. She looked down at her left hand and then back up at her husband's concerned face. One who had married a different man than she now remembered.

Ziva backed away from Tony's desk, a feeling akin to horror creeping over her. She loved her husband, but it was too much to take in. She stared at him for a long moment, then dropped the paperclip and fled towards the stairs, ignoring Tony when he shouted her name. She needed to get out, she needed to get away, to run. She needed to forget, again. This was not how things were supposed to happen.

**NCIS**

Ziva clattered noisily down the four flights of stairs from the bullpen to the freedom that awaited her outside. Flinging open the door at the bottom, she cut across the parking lot and started to run. People stared as she tore down the sidewalk as if a nightmare was after her, but Ziva did not care. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as memories of her days and years in Mossad flooded back to her. All the bodies that had fallen in her wake, all the men she'd used, each assignment taking her one step further from being able to feel.

Trees, buildings, cars, and houses flashed by as Ziva ran and the miles counted steadily higher - 1, 2, 3, 4. By five her lungs were having a hard time keeping up, at five and a half her muscles began to scream for relief, and when she finally hit six, her legs gave out and Ziva dropped to the grass in front of a large tree, gasping for air as tears flowed down her cheeks against her will. Her life felt like a lie. Now that she could remember, how could she trust any of it to be real?

**NCIS**

Tony stood in the hallway between the bullpen and the stairs, his eyes never leaving the last place he'd seen his wife. Five minutes ago everything was fine, but then she said something the old Ziva had said and it was like lightning struck. He watched the myriad of expressions playing on her face until it went carefully blank, and he knew her memories had come back.

Then she started backing away from him and Tony realized that this was the moment he would lose her, lose everything that had brought him happiness over the last two years. Ziva bolted away, ignoring his desperate cry for her to wait, to talk to him. Now Tony couldn't move, he didn't know what to do or say or where to go. His life was crumbling in front of his eyes and Tony's heart felt like someone had crushed it in a vice.

Just then Gibbs exited the elevator, coffee in hand. He stopped when he saw Tony. Taking in the look on his face, Gibbs immediately looked for Ziva, but she was not at her desk, not anywhere around. "Where is she?" he demanded.

Tony's voice cracked when he spoke. "Gone," he choked out.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked gruffly, concerned.

Tony turned agonized eyes to look at his boss and Gibbs knew he'd seen that expression before. It was the look of a man who had lost everything. "She remembered."

Gibbs' expression fell a little. "How much?"

"Everything, I think." He dragged a hand down his face. "She just left Boss, what do I do?"

Gibbs gave the back of Tony's head a gentle slap and said huskily, "Never leave your partner DiNozzo."

With those words Tony snapped into action. "Thanks Boss," he murmured, grabbing his badge, gun and keys, and hurrying to the stairs. Once outside, Tony shadowed his eyes from the sun and tried to figure out which direction his wife might've gone. _Straight,_ he decided, making for his car, _and she would've been running blindly_, he thought grimly.

**NCIS**

Tony drove slowly down the street, looking for a glimpse of his dark-haired partner. The further he got the more his worry grew, until he jerked the car to a stop, spying something by a large tree. Pulling over and not caring if it was a parking spot or not, Tony jumped out and ran towards the crumpled figure.

Ziva was sitting with her back against the tree, slowly turning her knife over in her hand. Her eyes were fixed on the moving object, her posture defeated, as if everything was too much. Tony knelt on the ground in front of her, love overriding his instinct to stay clear of her with a weapon in hand.

He put his hands on both sides of Ziva's face, tilting her head up to look at him, concerned about the dried tear tracks he could see. He wasn't sure if it was good news or bad. His Ziva cried, his partner never had, at least, not in front of him.

"Ziva, honey?" he asked. "Talk to me babe, please."

Her eyes were hollow. Ziva thought about refusing his touch, but even with everything going on in her mind, she could not stop loving him nor needing him. And it scared her, because Ziva David had never needed anyone before.

"I remember Tony," she said flatly. "I remember it all. Ari, Jeanne, Michael, Israel, Somalia. Everything," she stressed. Tony shut his eyes and swallowed hard. Ziva looked up at him, her eyes guarded for the first time in almost two years. "What is real Tony? I do not know anymore."

"Oh Zeev," he whispered, desperate to kiss and hold her, but knowing that wouldn't fix anything, not this time. "This is real." He pointed to his ring, to hers. "Everything we have together, everything we've built over the last two years, this is what's real. Please honey, you need to believe me."

"And before?" She had to know. Conflicting memories assailed her and Ziva just wanted them all to go away, back to where they came from. It had never occurred to her that there were things she was better off not knowing, things she would not want to remember. But now Ziva knew she had been happier when all she had was two years, instead of a lifetime.

Tony shook his head. "I'm not the same guy you remember Ziva, I haven't been since the warehouse."

Her eyes flashed angrily. "You lied to me!" she accused.

"No," Tony replied firmly. "I was honest with you for the first time in five years. I told you what I wanted, what I'd wanted for a long time. I changed for you Ziva, because you deserved so much better than the man I used to be."

Ziva looked uncertain. "I wish that I had not remembered, it feels like everything has changed." She raised two fingers to touch his cheek. "This is what you were afraid to tell me." That night in their apartment rose before her eyes, when she tried to get him to tell her but he said he wasn't strong enough to lose her. Ziva felt the urge to blush as she remembered how she made him forget.

"Was I right?" he managed, unwilling to move away from her, not knowing the next time he'd be allowed so close. "Am I going to lose you now that you know?"

She shrugged half-heartedly. "I do not know what to think."

Tony had to fight not to drag her home with him. If they were going to work now, it would have to be because she was willing. He cleared his throat and met her eyes. "I'm so sorry Ziva, about before. I knew you worried when I was with Jeanne. I should've told you what was going on instead of leaving you to wonder. I wish you could've believed me about Michael, even if you were right and I was a little jealous. But I shot him in self-defense, I swear to you Ziva."

His throat closed and he blinked hard to keep the tears at bay. "And Somalia, Zeev." He took a deep breath. "Oh gosh, I would take it all back if I could. We would've come for you sooner, we would've spared you the memories, the pain, the scars." He lowered his head to her knee. "I'm so sorry Ziva."

Ziva almost smiled because her Tony was indeed so different from the one in her memories. Running her fingers through his hair, the action so natural she barely even thought about it, she spoke softly. "Was it true what you told me? That you loved me then?"

Tony's eyes met hers. "Every word. I mean it Zeev, I can't live without you. Please don't give up on what we have."

Nudging him away, Ziva slowly stood up and Tony was instantly on his feet. She placed her hand over his heart. "You need to hear me Tony. I love you, that has not changed. But this has all been...overwhelming. I do not know what happens next. But I know my feelings will not change."

"Will you come home with me?" he practically begged.

After a moment of thought, Ziva nodded. "But I may need to be alone."

"Don't shut me out Ziva," Tony pleaded with her, wanting to be by her side while they figured things out.

She shook her head. "I am not. I just need time to think."

Testing the waters, Tony brushed his thumb down her cheek. Ziva nearly leaned into the caress but stopped herself, not wanting to give in just yet. "I love you Zeev," he whispered, drawing her into his arms.

Tony clung to her like a drowning man to a life preserver, and after a slight hesitation, Ziva wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, needing the comfort as well and wondering if his fears were founded. She loved him, but today everything had changed.

**NCIS**

Ziva walked into their apartment as if she'd never seen it before - everything had new meaning. All the things they'd brought from her place, all the things that had come from his - they had a history now, stories, remembrances that brought smiles and sometimes, the thought of tears.

Tony hovered near her, wanting to touch her, wanting to be close, but not wanting to get in the way of the space she seemed to need. Eventually she settled in the livingroom, waving him off when he asked if she needed anything. Lost, he returned to their room, left to lay on the bed they'd shared for a year, wallowing in memories of the two of them together and wondering if they would ever become a reality again.

Night fell and Tony cautiously approached the main room of their apartment. Ziva lay curled up on the couch, seemingly asleep. Sighing, he knelt before her, brushing a curl off her face and watching her breathe, praying for he knew not what, but something to happen when she woke up.

Ziva opened her eyes slowly, smiling at the sight of her husband next to her, before the afternoon's events crashed onto her and she sat up, startled back into a life with memories, where for so long there had only been a dark hole. She looked questioningly at Tony, wondering what he was thinking. For the first time in years she could not read the expression in his eyes.

"It's late," he said softly. "Come to bed?"

Though for two years she had known him well and learned again all the nuances of his voice, this time she was not sure how he meant the question. She shook her head. "I am not ready yet to share my body with you Tony. I know you have not hurt me, but I remembered Somalia today and it is still too close."

Tony joined her on the couch, putting his arm around her shoulders before remembering that she might not allow much of his touch right now. She did though, and he savoured the moment, no longer taking even the tiniest things for granted. "Will you tell me someday Zeev? About Somalia?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "I do not know. The memories...they are very hard Tony." She looked up at him. "Perhaps there are some things a husband should not hear."

It felt strange to say the words, her husband. And yet everything about them as a couple was so natural, so instinctive, that she followed his lead without hesitation before she was even sure she wanted to do any of the things that had become second nature to her since the accident.

"And there's some things he knows whether he is told or not," Tony answered tightly.

Leaning back against his shoulder, the action so natural Ziva could not remember if it was or was not, she asked him a question. "Do you remember if I was afraid to be with you on our wedding night?"

Stroking his thumb over her shoulder, Tony too was taken back to that night not quite a year past. "You were fine until we were undressed and in bed," he remembered. "Then you said you were nervous, though you didn't know why. As far as you knew, I had never hurt you and you didn't have any memory of the last time you'd had sex."

He took a deep breath and looked away. "You didn't remember Somalia Ziva, but I did. So many little things that happened afterwards...there was a lot we assumed about what happened to you. In a camp of thirty men," Tony ground out the words, "I had to figure that you'd been abused by them, and I don't just mean the beatings."

Almost unknowingly, Ziva tangled her fingers with his, needing the reassurance and calmness that his touch seemed to give her. So much had changed between them! Was it possible they'd really taken this second chance? "You were right," she said softly. "They did...take advantage of me. It is likely that my body remembered what I did not that night."

Holding her tighter, Tony said his next words into her hair. "I was as gentle as I knew how to be Ziva. I offered to wait if you weren't comfortable, but you said you did not want to be afraid of me. I tried, gosh, I tried not to hurt you, but I didn't know what not to do."

Looking up into his face, Ziva saw the depth of love this man had for her, and felt its reflection in her own heart. "Tony," she whispered, cupping his face in her hand, "you were gentle, I remember."

This time she let Tony kiss her, and was surprised by how much she seemed to need it herself. The kiss deepened as Tony dug his fingers into her hair, pressing her back into the couch and Ziva could taste the need in his touch. Just in time he seemed to catch himself and pulled back. He was not going to pressure her no matter how badly he wanted to feel her against him the way they so often were. Ziva smiled and kissed him gently again, before snuggling into his shoulder.

They stayed that way on the couch for a long time, and when Tony finally got up and led her back to their bedroom, Ziva followed without protest. She changed into pyjamas in the bathroom, not knowing what to do with Tony's eyes on her even if he now had a right to look at her body, and accepted his invitation to join him under the sheets.

Normally, she remembered from the last year, now was when things would start. But this time Tony was content just to hold her, as close as she allowed. Her thoughts had been so many places today, the memories were drowning her, and yet she knew deep in her heart that nothing had changed in regard to her love for her husband.

Their relationship would be, in some ways, always marred because of what she now knew. But after experiencing his devotion and tenderness tonight, Ziva was also sure that some way or another, they would make it through this bump and they would do it together. She fell asleep that night with Tony's steady heartbeat at her back, and this time she dreamt of them.


	6. Chapter 6: Return to Relationships

Ziva opened her eyes the next morning to see Tony propped up on one elbow, watching her. Before she could blink Ziva remembered that her memories were back and she looked searchingly into her husband's eyes, not even sure where to begin.

"What are you doing?" she asked finally.

Tony shrugged. "Remembering."

She tried to smile. "I thought I was the one with amnesia."

Tony fingered a piece of her hair and didn't answer. He was so much more serious than the man in her past - always goofy and joking around and slacking off. It was almost like he was two different people just as she was now.

"You did not want me to remember," she said at last, not sure how much of the truth it was.

Tony looked away. "I didn't want things to change, I didn't want everything to be different."

Ziva touched his gold wedding band and then her rings, tracing the vine leaf pattern etched on her wedding band, tiny diamonds nestled in the pattern. And the single diamond set in the ring he'd given her when he proposed. It was beautifu,l and yet somehow seemed out of place still.

"Some things are not different," she pointed out.

He looked like he wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to take her right there as if to prove they were still married, still the same. But Tony saw the apprehension in Ziva's eyes and shifted away from her, cursing his body for reacting to her when he wasn't sure what they were right now.

After several deep breaths he looked back at her. "You know what I mean. Yes you're still wearing my ring, you're in our bed, but you're not acting like my wife. You're not even acting like my partner."

The words hit Ziva's heart and she closed her eyes briefly, wanting to reassure him, wanting to be held, to experience the comfort she'd so often found wrapped in his arms, but she was still so unsure. How did one reconcile the memories of two lives?

She sat up and left the bed. "I am taking a shower." She didn't want to hurt her husband, but his world wasn't the only one turned upside-down by the return of her memory. Ziva stopped in the doorway and looked back at him, her eyes sad. "I wish that I had not remembered either Tony."

The door closed and Tony pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, calling himself several choice names_. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Your wife has just recovered from amnesia DiNozzo, so let's make her feel bad for needing time to sort things out. Way to go._

Tony was desperate for someone to talk to but he couldn't call Gibbs, not right now. Ducky sometimes talked more than he listened and McGee might already be at work. He was on his own. But so many thoughts in his head and heart still needed release, so Tony reached for a pen and piece of paper from his nightstand and began to write. _Dear Ziva..._

**NCIS**

Ziva stood in the elevator with Tony, still feeling awkward around him. The doors opened and Tony gave her an encouraging smile. She followed him into the bullpen and walked right to Gibbs' desk. She kept her face blank when he looked up, not wanting to give anything away.

"Gibbs, may I speak with you?"

He dropped his pen and headed for the elevator. Ziva followed, still confused about Tony but excited to be able to once again share memories and a bond with the man who yesterday morning, had only been her boss. They got in, Gibbs hit a button, then flicked the switch. The elevator lights shut off and he faced her, a question in his expression. Hesitantly, she smiled and let her mask drop away. Gibbs saw something different in her eyes but waited, afraid to hope after so long.

She bit her lip, then held her hands out, palm up. "I remember," Ziva said simply. "Ari, your family, gaining your trust. I remember your coma and how you let me cry. When Jenny died and the team was torn apart. Then you fought to get us back and I know no one has ever hugged me like you did. I remember Somalia, and how you saved us." She rested her hand on his arm. "You are still the closest thing I have to a father, and I have missed that, even if I did not remember."

"Ziver." Gibbs held out his arms and wrapped her in them, holding her like a long lost child who'd finally come home. Ziva relaxed into to the strength and safety of his embrace for several long moments before Gibbs finally released her, wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"Everything?" he asked.

"Everything," she confirmed.

"Tony?"

Ziva sighed and gave a half shrug. "It is...different. I do not know yet."

His stare deepened. "Do you love him?"

She put both hands on her chest. "I can feel it in my heart, yes. But I have two separate sets of memories for us and I need some time."

"Take it," Gibbs nodded. "But remember how he has loved you these last two years."

"I will," she promised, and he set the elevator in motion again. It opened on the basement level and she looked up in surprise. "Abby next," he smiled, and she took a deep breath.

"Thank you Gibbs."

"Good to have you back Ziva," he said, disappearing as the door slid shut.

Ziva stood outside the lab and counted to twenty before she found the courage to step through the door. Ear splitting music greeted her and Ziva had to smile. Music meant all was right in Abby's little world, perhaps she could make it even better.

"Abby!" she called, but the Goth was too engrossed in her computer to notice. Ziva shook her head and stepped closer, tapping the girl on the shoulder. She spun around, pigtails flying, and saw Ziva.

"Gosh, don't scare me like that!" she wheezed, turning the music volume down on her remote. She eyed Ziva. "What's up?"

Ziva looked into Abby's eyes. "Abby, it is me."

Abby frowned. "I know it's you Ziva, what kind of..." She saw a twinkle in her friend's eyes and her heart stopped. "Ziva?"

She smiled and nodded. "I remember."

"Ziva!" Abby shrieked. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" She flung her arms around the Israeli woman and Ziva returned the hug, loving Abby's exuberance. After she lost her memory, she had not understood the way Abby approached loving her friends. Now she could not fathom how she had made it two years with only the briefest of hugs from the forensic scientist.

"When?" Abby demanded, pulling back.

"Yesterday afternoon, something I said to Tony," Ziva elaborated.

A light went on for Abby. "That's why you guys disappeared." One hand covered her mouth. "Oh my gosh, Tony! Ziva, is that weird for you, being married to Tony?" Abby frowned. "I mean, the old you. The new you loves him a lot and you're so good for each other and...do you love him?" she wanted to know.

"Abby," Ziva laid a hand on her friend's arm. "I am just one person. I remember Tony as my partner, I know him now as my husband. It is all in my heart but having all my memories back is still a bit..."

"Strange?" Abby supplied.

"Yes," Ziva nodded. "And I think we just need some time."

"Don't break his heart Ziva," Abby begged. "He's changed so much for you and he really loves you. I've never seen him as happy as he's been these last two years."

"I know Abby." Ziva tried to smile. "I think my heart just needs to catch up to my memories."

Abby nodded slowly and Ziva looked at the clock. "I better go." She got one more hug and turned to leave.

"Ziva?" Abby called and she glanced back. The girl smiled. "Welcome back."

"Thank you Abby," Ziva whispered, and headed upstairs.

**NCIS**

Back in the bullpen McGee was very perplexed as he tried to decipher the reason behind his colleagues' vastly different moods. Gibbs sat at his desk scanning a report and drinking his coffee, but something was different. If Tim didn't know any better he would swear Gibbs was actually smiling.

Tony however, was a completely different story. The senior field agent sat disconsolately in front of his computer, listlessly tapping keys here and there and shooting furtive, almost longing looks at his wife's desk. Tim frowned. He hoped Tony and Ziva hadn't gotten into a fight. Unlike before the warehouse, the couple rarely fought. Sure they flirted and teased mercilessly, but they didn't fight anymore and McGee didn't particularly want them to start now.

When Ziva walked in the room from the back elevator, everything seemed to snap to attention. There was something about her that was different today and McGee did a quick mental checklist. _Hair?_ Nope. Still down and curly just like always. _Clothes?_ Just the standard Ziva wear that made everyone, even him, look twice and appreciate her sense of casual style, regardless of the fact she was married to his friend.

_Eyes?_ Tim looked closer, that was it. There was something different about her eyes. Not make up or anything obvious, it was the sense of familiarity that exuded from them and it hit Tim in that moment why Gibbs was happy and Tony upset. Ziva had remembered.

Perhaps she read it on his face that he'd picked up on the hints, but regardless, Ziva reached out to hug him gently. "Thank you McGee," she whispered, and Tim could only stare in awe and gratitude.

Moving back to her desk, Ziva cast a long look at her husband and McGee watched the exchange closely. The rest of them may have just gotten Ziva back, but was the return of her memories pushing her and Tony apart? Only time would tell. Still, McGee kept an eye on them. He didn't want to see his friends lose what they'd spent two years building. Their love and their marriage had to be stronger than that.

**NCIS**

Ducky was the last to hear about Ziva's newly recovered memory and it happened when he ran into her near the breakroom, intent on bringing a report to Gibbs.

"Hello my dear," he smiled when he saw her.

Ziva took a sip of her freshly steeped tea. "Hello Dr. Mallard."

The older gentleman sighed. "Ducky, dear girl. It's been almost two years, how many times must I tell you?"

Ziva's eyes sparkled. "Actually, it has been almost seven years, Ducky."

His face lit up and he put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing in delight. "I knew you'd come back to us Ziva. I always knew."

"Thank you Ducky." Her smiled faltered and amidst the shared remembrance he now saw reflected in her gaze, he also detected a sadness that made him eager to help.

"Is something the matter?" the ME asked.

"No," Ziva hesitated, "it is just taking time to get used to having a past again."

"And perhaps to having a husband?" Ducky queried.

She shrugged and didn't meet his eyes. "I am sure it will be fine. Please excuse me Ducky, I need to get back to work."

Ducky watched her go, elated to have her back fully and yet with a heavy heart because he knew that life would not immediately return to normal or be easy. "Oh my dear, I fear it is a long road you still have to travel before you are truly home again."

**NCIS**

Evening at the DiNozzo apartment was different yet again. After supper, of which neither Tony or Ziva ate much, Tony put on a movie and Ziva excused herself to their room. Halfway through The Fast and The Furious, Tony got up to look for her. He didn't like all this distance between them, and yet he had no idea where to start fixing it.

Tony found his wife sitting on the end of their bed wearing pyjama pants and a tank top, slowly tracing the pattern on the bedspread. She looked up when he walked in and twirled a piece of hair around her finger. He sat near her but not too close, still trying to give her some space.

He watched her for a moment, wishing they could go back to when it had been easy between them, none of this awkwardness and not knowing what to say. But he couldn't begrudge her the memories. As Gibbs had said, they were hers and she had a right to them. But to be so far away, missing her when she was right in front of him, was killing Tony.

"Hey," he said finally as the silence lengthened, "what are you thinking about?"

Ziva's troubled eyes met his. "What if things are never the same Tony? What if we are never the same?" She twisted her rings around. "We were partners and friends. Flirting, teasing, watching each other's backs, but never together. And then the warehouse happened and suddenly we were together, still partners and friends but more."

She shook her head slowly, "Now we are husband and wife. We belong to each other, together. But when I look back at my memories of our marriage, I see a man who has changed and a woman I do not recognize." She sighed. "What if I can no longer be the woman that you married Tony? Will you still love me if I have changed again?"

Her candor terrified him, the way Ziva dissected their life and relationship. But her eyes still spoke much more than her lips and he saw there confusion, uncertainty, fear, and a glimmer of the love that two days ago had been as natural to them as breathing.

Tony didn't have to think about the answer to her question because he already knew there was only one. He loved Ziva, whoever she was going to be. If it was his partner, he'd learn to love her again in a different way and it wouldn't be hard because she'd always captivated him. If it was his wife, he'd be unendingly thankful that remembering hadn't taken her away from him.

And if it was someone else entirely, then he'd figure out how to love that woman too. All Tony knew was that he couldn't and didn't want to spend a single second without loving her. She was his heart, his home, his hope, and nothing could ever take that away.

Ziva was still sitting there, still waiting for an answer when Tony surfaced from his thoughts. "Yes," he stated firmly. "I will love you. I will always love you Zeev." He cupped her cheek tenderly. "I don't know how to do anything else."

She went willingly into his arms this time and Tony held her carefully against him, breathing in the scent of his wife. After awhile Ziva pulled back and Tony looked into her eyes, fearing the answer to his next question but needing it just the same.

"What about me?" he asked seriously. "Will you still love me, Ziva David-DiNozzo, even though I have become a different man than the one you knew as your partner and friend? Will you give me a chance to show you that I've changed and grown up, that I can be your husband now?"

Ziva took one of his hands and kissed his palm, then tentatively brought it to her chest, never taking her eyes off his. "Do you feel my heartbeat Tony?" He nodded, itching to be allowed to touch more of her but sensing this was going to be important.

She smiled. "My heart says I love you, that I have for a long time. It is where my memories of our marriage are stored." Ziva sighed. "I am just waiting for it all to catch up with me." She let his hand drop. "But I know I will love you because my heart says I already do." She searched his eyes. "Let us take it slow. Can you pretend that we are dating again? Hold my hand, kiss me sometimes, let me get my bearings before you ask for any more. Can you do that?"

"Oh Zeev," Tony almost choked on the words, "I'll try. If you only knew how hard it is to just lay beside you..." he swallowed and Ziva smiled briefly, knowingly. "I'll try to be patient."

"And I will try to be careful not to be a temptation," Ziva agreed, though Tony knew it was impossible. Just her presence itself was a temptation in every sense of the word.

"Can we go to bed now?" Tony asked, aware of how it sounded but hoping she would take it as he meant it. When Ziva nodded he quickly changed and climbed into bed, feeling her eyes on him as if she'd never seen him undress before. "Nothing new babe," he said in a joking tone, the endearment feeling natural still.

Ziva smirked as she joined him, and he wondered if she was blushing but couldn't tell in the dim light. It hadn't been hard to make the Ziva without a past blush, but Tony had a feeling making the Ziva with all her memories back blush might be a challenge he was willing to take up.

"Some things feel very new even though they are not," Ziva tried to explain. "Like this," she gestured to the two of them in bed. "The last time was Paris and it was only sleeping." She caught the look in his eyes and rolled hers. "But a lot of wanting more. The first time was undercovers."

"Undercover," Tony corrected, "even if we were," he grinned, "under covers."

"It has been a year but, I do not know," she shrugged. "It is still different."

Tony lay down and got comfortable. "What is okay?" He needed to know, but prayed she would let him touch her even a little. He needed to hold her, for his own sanity, even if it would test his self-control and vow to wait.

Ziva rolled onto her side and brought his arm over her waist, feeling his warm body behind her. "This is okay," she closed her eyes. "I do not know why, but it feels right this way."

Tony relaxed onto his pillow and watched his wife. Some things were different, some the same, a few new. But hopefully together they'd find their way through and know what it was like to be happy again. He hoped it would be soon, because he loved her too much to stay very far away.


	7. Chapter 7: Confusion and Conversations

Saturday was a cautious day. Tony and Ziva shared the space in their apartment with all the careful politeness of total strangers, not the loving closeness of a couple approaching their first anniversary. Tony didn't get in her space and Ziva tried not to hold his gaze too long. They awkwardly danced around each other in the kitchen as they made meals, trying not to brush against the other or stare too much.

By mid-afternoon movies and cleaning weren't working as distractions any more, so Tony suggested they go for a walk. Without even thinking, he lead Ziva to the elevator and stepped in. But then he realized it was a mistake. He didn't know about Ziva, but all Tony could think about was the night two weeks ago when they came home after being on protection detail for the Director. He hadn't been able to keep his hands off his wife and she didn't seem to mind at all. It took all of Tony's self-control not to look at Ziva until they were outside.

Then he smiled, swallowed his heart, and held out his hand. Ziva took it with an appreciative look in her eyes. From then on it got easier. They found the nearest park and took the long way around, stopping to watch the ducks and smile at the children laughing and playing.

Tony glanced at Ziva, wondering if she remembered the conversation they had a couple months ago about kids. Neither of them were in a hurry and both were open to the possibility. Ziva had let the issue rest, saying that if it was supposed to happen, it would happen. They weren't trying, but they weren't preventing it either. When Ziva looked at him after he'd been quiet awhile, his gaze fixed on the children, and squeezed his hand, Tony knew she remembered. She always was good at reading his thoughts, at least that part hadn't changed.

He wondered if her opinion about kids had changed at all because of having her memories back. The old Ziva had never talked about children that he could recall. But now probably wasn't the time to bring it up. Ziva had only gotten her past back two days ago, she probably still had a lot to sort through and he didn't want to add any more.

Eventually they went home for supper and their kitchen became a cozy place again, filled not with words but with tentative touches, shy smiles, and enough eye contact for a full conversation. They ate at the table for once and Tony kept his hand over Ziva's as much as possible. It was the most constant form of contact she was comfortable with and he wanted to take advantage of it. "Dating" his wife again was not as easy as it might sound, not after a year of having the freedom to be with her in every way.

When they finished, did the dishes, and packed away leftovers in a well rehearsed routine, Ziva spoke quietly, breaking the silence. "I am going out Tony."

He looked up and frowned. "Tonight? Where?"

"Do not worry. I will be back." Ziva wasn't deliberately being evasive, but for the time being she'd prefer to keep her destination to herself. Rule #4, wasn't it? Not a secret exactly, but not sharable either.

Hurt flashed in Tony's eyes at being left out. "I could drive you," he offered.

Ziva picked up her eyes. "Thank you, but I have not driven in awhile and it would be nice tonight."

Tony bit his lip. "Weapons?" he asked. Not that he ever had to check, but since the explosion she'd stopped feeling the need to keep two or three weapons on her person at all times. If she was going out alone he knew Ziva was capable of taking care of herself, but he felt the need to make sure she was armed, just in case she needed help.

She smiled briefly and touched the knife at her waist, pointed to her boot. "Back up," she said, and he nodded, still looking uneasy.

Ziva walked up and tapped Tony's cheek lightly. "It is nothing bad ahava," she promised. "Watch a movie and it will not seem so long that I am gone."

Then she walked out the door and left Tony staring after her. He wished she would tell him where she was going, but that was the first time she'd called him 'love' since before Thursday. So he didn't think he really had that much to worry about.

**NCIS**

Ziva drove slowly, thoughtfully, very unlike her usual style. Though now that she thought about it, she had been driving more neutrally since the explosion. Once they finally let her behind the wheel of a car again, she'd had to re-learn everything, to get her license all over again. And Ziva had become a safe, careful driver, nothing like the madwoman she'd been accused of being many times by her teammates before the warehouse.

It wasn't long before she arrived at her destination, and even then she sat in her car for a long time before going inside. It had been awhile since she'd visited this particular place. A man was working in the basement, sanding long, slow strokes on the hull of yet another half finished boat. Ziva walked down the steps and picked one three from the bottom to sit on as she waited to be acknowledged.

Almost three minutes passed before Gibbs looked up and fixed his eyes on the curly haired woman who'd invaded his sanctuary, even though he welcomed the evening visit. "Ziver."

She lifted her head and smiled small. "Hello Gibbs."

He set his sanding block down and leaned back against the workbench. "Been a long time."

Ziva nodded, remembering the last time she had come, it was the first time she'd told Gibbs he was the closest thing she had to a father. "Too long."

They let the quietness fill the air again and Gibbs took his time before speaking. "Something on your mind David?"

She sighed. "Tony."

"Question or complaint?" her boss asked, the beginnings of a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Ziva took a moment to think about it. "Question," she decided finally. "Who is he Gibbs?"

There were times when it dawned on Ziva that she did not give Gibbs enough credit for being perceptive. "He's a fine agent, a good husband, and a caring friend."

Her brow furrowed slightly. Two years ago she would've only been able to agree to one of those statements, now she was fairly certain all three applied. Gibbs didn't lie and he was rarely wrong. "He was my partner, now he is my husband. I remember him almost as two separate people. So who is he really? The man he was, or the man he has become?"

Gibbs crossed his arms. "You don't need me to tell you that Ziva. You were Mossad, you have great instincts. Now you're an investigator. Look at the facts, examine what you know, watching Tony's actions. That more than anything will tell you who he is now." He watched the emotions cross her face and tried to put a finger on what was really bothering this young woman he'd come to love. "Who are you?" Gibbs asked at last.

The look in Ziva's eyes told him everything he needed to know. Her voice was shaky when she finally managed to get the words out. "I am no longer who I was, nor am I the woman that I became when I had to start from nothing. So who am I? Who am I supposed to be?" She raised damp eyes to his. "I do not know any more. What do I do now Gibbs, with these two different lives?"

"Aw Ziver," Gibbs didn't do well with crying women. "Come here."

He started towards her and Ziva hesitated briefly before meeting him halfway. Gibbs pulled her slender frame into his strong arms and held her like he would Abby, like he imagined he would hold Kelly if she were alive now. For a long moment it was just the two of them, together. Then Gibbs let go and Ziva stepped back and he brushed away the only tear that had fallen.

"It's okay to cry," Gibbs said simply. "It's okay to trust, to be vulnerable, to love. And whoever you want to be now - with no walls, no masks, no expectations, no one who will be disappointed - that's okay too Ziva. Just remember that. You are a strong, amazing woman. No one can take that away from you, whoever you decide to be."

Ziva nodded, not trusting her voice. She looked into the ice blue eyes of her boss/father figure that right now reminded her of the clear blue ocean, and squeezed his hand. "Thank you Gibbs. I think I should go home to my husband now."

"Anytime," Gibbs replied gruffly, picking up his sanding block again and leaving her to find her own way out.

All the way home Ziva thought about Gibbs' wise words and all the advice he'd given her, sometimes by hardly saying anything at all, but this time by saying more than she usually heard him speak in a month. When she opened the door to their apartment, Tony got off the couch and ran to hug her. Ziva returned it because it seemed like the right thing to do.

"I'm so glad you came back," he whispered hoarsely.

Ziva frowned and pulled away. "I told you I would. Did you think I would not?"

Tony shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away. "I just like it when you're here with me. I want you to come back."

She stepped close and laid her palm on her husband's chest, feeling his familiar heartbeat. "I do not think leaving is my style any more Tony." It was the first choice she'd made about the person she was going to be. "I will come back."

Looking like he wanted to ask where she'd gone, Tony instead gestured to the TV. "Did you want to watch a movie or are you ready for bed?"

Ziva covered a yawn. Sharing so much of her heart and thoughts with Gibbs, admitting truths she was not sure how to face, had been draining. "Let us go to bed," she answered, walking ahead of Tony down the hall.

She changed in the bathroom and he changed in the bedroom. They met back at the end of the bed. Tony held out his arms, wanting to have her in them, but leaving the choice up to her. Ziva smiled and moved into Tony's arms, laying her head on his shoulder as she let herself relax against him. Tony's left arm wrapped firmly around her waist, his right arm resting across the top of her back, his hand cradling her head.

"I miss you Zeev," he whispered into her hair. "I won't ask for more, I promise. But I want you to know how much I love you, how much I want to find our way back to us."

Ziva tightened her arms around Tony's back. "I am trying Tony. My memories...everything...I do not know what will happen, but I am not trying to find a way out of this, or away from us."

The longing in Tony's heart was overwhelming and he pulled back just far enough for his lips to find hers. Ziva could feel the emotion behind her husband's kiss and did nothing to resist. Instead she yielded to the gentle pressure of his mouth, tilting her head a little as she brought her hands up to frame his face.

Finally Tony pulled away but Ziva kissed him once more, softly, before she stepped back. The look in Tony's eyes wavered between wanting more and uncertainty about what he'd just done, so she took his hand and tugged him with her as she climbed into bed. Without a word Ziva lay down beside him and rested her head on Tony's shoulder, then lay one hand on his chest. He curled an arm around her back, holding her close. They fell asleep like that, the way things used to be, and Tony hoped, would be again soon. It was waiting and wondering that was the hardest.


	8. Chapter 8: Pieces of a Life

It had been almost two weeks since Ziva regained her memory. Slowly, slowly life was getting back to a new sort of normal. Ziva had started smiling more and so had Tony, when he saw the walls in Ziva's eyes begin to chip away. She began changing, taking little steps in the direction of who she wanted to be. Ziva was taking a little bit from here and a little bit from there and putting the pieces together to fit the puzzle of two lives melded into one.

She carried weapons with her again, more than just her NCIS issued sidearm, and her driving waffled back and forth for awhile before settling somewhere between the crazy Israeli woman avoiding IEDs and the cautious lady who'd learned all the rules from scratch.

Only days after Ziva had "come back", as everyone was starting to put it, she and Abby revived the Girl's Night Out tradition that the forensic scientist had desperately missed during the last two years. The first time they went out, Tony worried about her - about whether a guy in the bar would catch her eye, or if she'd be able to handle drinking again.

For so long after the accident, Ziva hadn't been allowed alcohol because of her head injury. Eventually, Tony had abstained as well and neither of them could claim to have had more than a glass of wine here and there in over a year. Still, the first time Ziva ordered a drink with Abby, she found that she'd lost her taste for liquor, and stuck with virgin drinks that were still fun, but didn't mess with her mind at all. She'd had enough of that.

After that Tony relaxed, and on future GNO's, he and Tim usually spent the night at one of their apartments watching some kind of action flick. When Tim got bored of four walls and a couch, they went to the movie theater, and one night they even tried bowling. It was nice just to get out again, to be doing things with friends. But as much fun as that was, Tony still liked it best when he could spend most of his moments right by Ziva's side.

**NCIS**

It was very rarely that many hours in a day passed without Ziva thinking back to her conversation with Gibbs in his basement that late night two weeks ago. Since then she'd spent an endless amount of time sharpening her observation skills by watching her husband. Gibbs said that Tony's actions would who her who he really was, never mind the conflicting memories that still confused her.

So she watched, and she listened, and she learned a lot. Gone was the playboy her partner had been, the laissez-faire attitude, the teasing meant to break other persons down. Now Tony was her husband, and Ziva began to see that he'd spent a lot of time growing into that role.

Tony had become a good man. He worked diligently at his job, when he teased it was in fun and mildly annoying, none of the cutting personal digs that had been the norm before. He was a good friend. It was obvious that he and McGee had grown close, and through some miracle now got along more often than they fought or argued about anything.

And Tony was a good husband. He was gentle, caring, patient, and more loving than Ziva thought she deserved. He was quiet sometimes, thoughtful as he watched her. He helped around the apartment with things like laundry and vacuuming and other chores, shared cooking duties, and cleaned when she made the meal. Slowly, the two Tonys in her mind were blending into the one man who was often right in front of her now.

One day while she was hanging things in her closet, a white envelope fell onto the floor. It had her name on it, scrawled in Tony's handwriting. Frowning, Ziva bent to pick it up and sat on the bed to see what it was. Inside the envelope was a folded letter dated the day after she'd remembered.

_Dear Ziva_, it began, _I'm sorry for this morning. I shouldn't have pushed so hard, not when you just got your memory back yesterday. But gosh Zeev, I miss you so much. Every second I spend in the same room with you, every minute that you're laying by my side all I can think about is what we had, and what I'm afraid we might have lost._

_Last week we were happy, we were in love. You trusted me, you allowed me to touch you whenever I wanted, we had a freedom together that I never could've dreamed of when we were only partners. That's what I'm missing now. I miss my wife. You're my best friend Ziva, you always have been, but I don't want to settle for only friendship with you._

_I don't know when you'll find this letter babe, I don't even know where I'm going to put it, but I guess you'll find it when the time is right. Know that whatever happens next, whoever you become, I will love you from the depths of my soul because if you'll remember, I have no other choice. I can't live without you, nor would I ever want to again._

_Things are hard right now, you're confused, so much doesn't make enough sense - I get that. But I hope, someday, that you'll come back to me Ziva. Because I love you. And I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I love you sweetheart, with everything that I am. _

_Yours, Tony._

Ziva closed her eyes and fought the urge to crumple the paper. How could she ever have doubted this man or his intentions? His suffering was clear in the shaky letters and the pauses she could hear in his words as he thought about what to say. For two years he'd been the one she trusted the most, the one she was closest to.

For a year he had loved her with a tenderness that melted Ziva every time he looked into her eyes or brushed his fingers over her skin. To remember had nearly destroyed what they'd been. But reading Tony's words now, Ziva knew she wanted that again. She wanted to feel him against her, she wanted more than just his kiss, she wanted to love him with a fierceness that made him forget how tentative she'd been these last two weeks.

Folding the letter up again, Ziva slid it back into the envelope and put it under her pillow. She needed some time to think, but knowing what she wanted, having something to work back to, gave Ziva one more piece of the puzzle. It was taking a while, but slowly things were coming together.

**NCIS**

"Tony?" she asked a few days later when they went for a walk after supper.

He turned his eyes towards her and Ziva could see in them all the love he had for her. It made her smile. As did the fact that Tony had laced their fingers together the second they stepped outside the building. Ever since she'd said that holding hands was okay, her husband had made the most of every opportunity.

"What's up?" he asked.

Ziva looked away again and found a bird soaring in the sky to focus on. "Do you remember when we were talking about...children?" she swallowed, not sure if she wanted to see the emotions on his face.

Tony cleared his throat and nodded shakily. "I remember." He wanted her to look at him so he bumped his shoulder gently against hers. "And?"

She smiled briefly and pointed to a bench. "I think we should sit down."

"Hmm...sounds serious," Tony teased, before realizing she was very serious.

Tony and Ziva took a seat in the shade and Tony angled his body to face his wife, ready to hear whatever was in her head. Ziva sighed and then looked into her husband's eyes. So green, so beautiful. She loved that she could see herself reflected in his gaze. Tony looked at her, really looked at her, all the time like he could see inside her heart and soul. And this time she was ready to share it with him.

"I have been thinking this week, and I realized that I have a freedom now - to make decisions, to choose things that I never could before."

Tony rubbed his thumb gently over the back of her hand. "Like what?"

"When I was Mossad, when I grew up in training, even when I first came to America, children were never an option. I could not dream about them or want them. My life was too dangerous, my enemies too numerous. There was no way to have anything permanent."

He understood where she was going, he'd always been good at reading her thoughts even when she was keeping them hidden. "But now?"

Ziva's eyes softened and her lips curved into a smile again. "Now I am NCIS. I am an American. I am a wife," she squeezed his hand lightly, "which is something else I thought I would never be. I am a friend and part of a family. For years, especially for the last two years, my life has had more permanence then ever before. Now I can think about children, and I think I would like them."

Tony couldn't resist leaning in to kiss her softly. He brushed his knuckles down her cheek. "I would like them too Zeev. I've imagined having children with you - your beautiful skin tone and wild curls."

"With your smile and green eyes, yes?" Ziva asked, joy beginning to sparkle in her expression.

"Whatever you want babe," Tony agreed hoarsely.

They sat there in the contentment of dreams revealed and a decision made, before Tony put his arm around Ziva and drew her close to his side. "Was that a 'I'd like kids soon' discussion opener, or 'sometime in the future would be good'?" he asked, not willing to interpret the conversation wrong.

Ziva trailed her fingers in circles on his knee. "It is almost one year," she stated and Tony picked up her train of thought immediately.

"Not quite two weeks away." Their first anniversary was something he was not going to forget or under-do.

"One year is a good amount of time to be alone, to learn about each other, to spend only together. Perhaps after that we could..." Ziva hesitated because although their relationship was getting stronger every day, their intimacy was still on hold for the time being. "We could try," she finished softly and Tony pressed a kiss to her hair.

"Fine by me," he whispered, breathing in her unique scent and enjoying having her close.

They stayed that way for a long time, content just to sit there and be. It was one of the best nights Tony could remember.

**NCIS**

Three weeks after the day everything almost fell apart, Somalia came back to haunt Ziva once more. Tony and Ziva had spent an enjoyable Friday night. First there was drinks with the team, though Tony was the DD and Ziva simply stuck with virgin versions, then the fun of watching Abby attempt karaoke when she was slightly less than sober. Finally they'd ended up back at home and Ziva curled up beside her husband while they watched an old black and white movie called _It Happened One Night_.

Tony chuckled at the couple on screen as a curtain was hung between two beds for modesty's sake and was named the Wall of Jericho. "I'm glad you didn't make me stay that far away," he said quietly.

Ziva snuggled into his side, glad that being close to him was starting to feel more natural, more like something she would do whether she was the Ziva with no past, the Ziva who was his partner, or the Ziva she was becoming now. "I couldn't," she said simply. "It was too much in your eyes and in your face and in the gentleness you showed me how much you loved me. I would not punish you for that."

He kissed her temple. "How did I get so lucky?" he murmured.

She tilted her head to look up at him. "I do not think luck had anything to do with it. Did we not work very hard to be what we are now?"

Tony thought back to the days in the hospital, the weeks sharing an apartment, the months learning to be friends and partners again even as they slowly turned into something a whole lot more. "Yeah," he said, remembering all the changes he'd made almost automatically, because he'd suddenly known what kind of man he wanted to be, "yeah, we did."

Ziva rested her hand over his heart. "I do not know if I ever said thank you."

He frowned. "For what?"

"For changing, for me," she replied.

"Oh Zeev," Tony sighed, "you know this is worth any change I had to make. And trust me, I like myself a lot better now. It's nice to look in the mirror and see someone decent, to see someone who can be respected. But you're welcome. You deserved better than a middle aged frat boy who still thought Spring Break should be a national holiday."

Ziva leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I think I married a very good man."

"Even if you remember me as two different people?" he asked, unconvinced.

She shook her head slowly. "All I see is the one right in front of me. Him I will keep."Then Ziva rested her head on Tony's shoulder again and focused on the movie. But Tony's focus was only on the woman in his arms. She'd asked for his patience and he was trying really hard, but the more things got better, the more he wanted to feel their love in a tangible way. He wanted her. Waiting was hard.

**NCIS**

They'd been asleep for four hours when a whimper escaped Ziva's lips. But it was so faint that Tony didn't notice her distress until she started tossing and turning her in sleep. A sheen of sweat was visible on her forehead and her expression was tight, indicating that whatever was happening in her dream was not pleasant.

Tony woke when she elbowed him in the side and he was immediately awake when she started crying. "No, no, please do not. NO!"

He swallowed, always trying hard not to picture what she was afraid of. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Ziva?" She jerked away from him, fear creeping into her face and Tony sighed. He gathered her into his arms despite her reticence and spoke right beside her ear.

"Ziva, it's Tony. It's me babe, I'm not going to hurt you. Wake up Ziva, please wake up." Tony brushed back her hair and jostled her a bit. The movement finally brought her out of a dream world filled with pain and suffering and she gasped for air, trying to get out of his hold until he made her look at him.

"Sweetheart, it's me. It's okay, it was just a dream."

Ziva flung her arms around his neck, pressing her body into his. "No," she whispered, "it was not a dream. It was real. I was there. It happened."

Tony held her tightly, rocking her slowly. "I know Zeev, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that you remember it now, that you know that it was real."

She pulled back and sighed. "It has been weeks since the last time, why now?"

He shook his head. The nightmares were unpredictable, usually there wasn't a trigger they could point to. Of course, that had been before she knew why she had them. Tony cupped her cheek. "Did I say or do something that made you afraid?" He knew he'd been thinking about intimacy with her, but he didn't think he'd said anything out loud.

Ziva met his eyes. "I am not afraid of you Tony."

"No," he said slowly, "but I could still unknowingly bring up a memory, even just by being in the bed with you." It hurt him to think about what they'd done to her at that camp. Sleeping next to a guy...sometimes he worried that she'd wake up and think he was actually a threat to her.

"It was not you," she said firmly. "Maybe it was just everything. Perhaps it took this long for my memories to catch up to my dreams."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. She often had before, because she hadn't known the significance of what she'd seen.

"No," Ziva said quickly. "I do not want to think about it any more." She laid back down on the pillow and took a few deep breaths.

Tony slid into place beside her, watching his wife closely. "Are you going to be okay to sleep?"

Ziva pulled him closer. "As long as I am in your arms, I will be fine."

Not needing any further encouragement, Tony wrapped her in his embrace. "How's this?"

She smiled and her body finally relaxed. "It feels like home."

Recognizing that as a phrase she had used many times before when she talked about the two of them, Tony kissed her hair and tightened his hold slightly. "And you're my heart Zeev. Please don't forget."

Ziva's response was to get even closer, if it were possible. He held her all night and she didn't dream again.


	9. Epilogue: A Love Redeemed

_A/N: Hey guys! I could tell from the reviews of Ch 8 that you all were expecting this story to last a lot longer, but I'd only ever planned it to be less than ten chapters. So this is the last one. I really wanted to see T&Z get back to the kind of relationship they had before she got her memory back. I hope you enjoy and thanks again for all the reviews, you guys are awesome!_

It was a Thursday and the MCRT was at a crime scene. McGee was on perimeter, Tony bagged and tagged, and Ziva sketched and snapped photos. Gibbs had his notebook in hand and was interviewing witnesses and coordinating with Metro police. When he finished, he turned and scanned the area to check on his team. What Gibbs saw made his heart a little lighter.

Tony and Ziva were talking as they worked, their interaction once again familiar and welcomed. Ziva said something and Tony laughed, cutting his eyes to McGee who had added his two cents' worth to the moment. Tony leaned over and kissed his wife's cheek, then jumped up to take the evidence to the truck before she could do more than smile after him. Gibbs watched the way Ziva's eyes followed her husband and he nodded in satisfaction. They were slowly fitting back together again.

Later that day when they arrived at their main suspect's house to bring him in for questioning, Gibbs and McGee took the front and he sent Tony and Ziva around back. Kicking down the front door, they cleared rooms quickly and got to the livingroom just in time to see the guy take a swing at Ziva.

She barely blinked before dodging the blow and hooking her foot around his ankle to put him on the floor. Tony rolled him over and handcuffed him, then grinned at his wife while she recited the man's Miranda Rights. She hadn't even broken a sweat. It was good to see the seamless way their partnership had fallen back in line.

At the office Gibbs' eyes rarely left the couple. He let the partners do the interrogation and watched in fascination as Ziva started and Tony stood in the corner, arms crossed. As soon as a point needed to be made or reinforced, Ziva barely paused before Tony stepped in and they worked the good cop/bad cop, sarcasm and brutal honesty routine as if they were writing the book, nor merely working from the same page. They reminded Gibbs of another set of partners long ago who'd never lost their flow, even after eight years of not working together.

Between getting answers from Abby and doing background on their victim, there always seemed to be time for the couple to flirt with each other. It had taken three whole weeks before that had become an integral part of their interaction again and Gibbs was surprised. Flirting for them was as natural as breathing. Tony leaned over Ziva's shoulder to look at some information on her computer, Ziva stood close enough for her body to brush Tony's in Observation.

His hand would fall to the small of her back every time they entered or left a room. She made a habit of sliding her fingers over his hand or down his arm whenever they were in the same space. The looks and touches, smiles and fleeting glances exchanged all day made Gibbs and McGee feel like they were intruding on a private conversation in a language only their team members knew. But then again, Tony and Ziva had never needed words to talk.

By the time they made it home, both husband and wife were drained. It had been a long day and they needed sleep, but first a movie was in order to give them a chance to unwind. Tony put in _Finding Neverland_, a movie he knew Ziva had fallen in love with despite the sadness of its ending, and lay down on the couch, settling his head in her lap.

Ziva smiled and got comfortable, running her long fingers through Tony's hair until his eyes closed and he sighed in pleasure. When she thought he was asleep, she leaned down and gently touched her lips to his. But Tony was only almost sleeping and his arms encircled her neck instantly.

Surprised, Ziva broke away and laughed. "I think you are cheating Tony," she said lightly, amazed at how easy she was finding it to be married to him. For days and weeks she hadn't known what to think, but now she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loved her husband and she couldn't imagine life any other way than this. They had come up with their own normal, separate from any of the lives they'd lived, and it was better than anything Ziva had been able to dream of.

Tony looked at her for a long moment before grinning, loving the flashes of thoughts running through her eyes. Ziva was happy, that was all he could ask for. Finally he grinned. "Hey, I was almost asleep. You're the one who picked a great way to wake me up."

She smirked. "Do not worry. Go back to sleep."

Tony sat straight up and frowned. "You're just going to leave me hanging like that?" he demanded.

Ziva raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were tired Tony."

He repositioned himself to sit beside her. "Never too tired for this," he murmured, sliding his hands along her neck and into her thick hair, bringing Ziva's face close.

She angled her head to meet his lips, kissing him lightly at first but not resisting when Tony leaned in to deepen it. Ziva's hands skimmed over Tony's chest and around the back of his neck, ghosting over his skin in such a way that made him break out in goosebumps.

Ziva smiled and Tony pulled away. "You're teasing," he said huskily, the darkness in his eyes bringing back memories of another time, another life.

She shrugged, unconcerned. "Maybe a little. But you are enjoying it."

Tony narrowed his eyes and tipped her chin up, molding his mouth to hers as their lips met again.

He'd been kissing her a lot more lately, ever since she'd brought up the topic of kids. And Ziva didn't seem to mind, she had not once asked him to back off or take things a little slower. He held the kiss until he couldn't breathe anymore and then Ziva buried her face in his chest, taking deep breaths and trying to fight the desire that flowed through her. Tony wrapped his arms around her body, holding her tightly against him.

Somehow he knew it was enough for tonight. They were both so close to being ready to give themselves physically again - well, he'd been ready for weeks but it was Ziva he didn't want to rush, so they had to wait. Still, their anniversary was just around the corner and Tony could hope.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva lay in bed one night almost a month after all of her memories had returned. Things had been slow between them, as they worked their way back to the relationship they'd had before she remembered. They still hadn't had sex, or done more than kiss. Tony was trying to give Ziva the space to figure out what she wanted now, and Ziva was trying to turn her jumbled mass of memories from the past into a way to redeem her present.

But night was when things happened for the couple - when they could talk, when they could share, when they could be honest and lay out their hearts. Tonight it was Ziva who began the conversation, her finger tracing Tony's wedding band as his arm lay across his stomach.

She sighed and he turned to look at her, sensing the topic would be a serious one. "You would not have asked me to marry you when I was just your partner."

Tony rolled over on his side and wove his fingers between hers, thinking before he spoke. "You wouldn't've said yes if I had," he pointed out, knowing it was the truth.

Ziva's eyes met his and Tony saw in them something that made him wonder. "Ask me now, Tony," she said softly.

Tony's eyes widened and he took a deep breath, laying his palm against her cheek. "Ziva David-DiNozzo, will you marry me, Tony DiNozzo, in spite of all my past mistakes and screw ups and jerky moments, because I love you with all my heart and I can't live without you?" He paused, pondering what needed to be added. "Will you promise never to leave me," his biggest fear after watching her run out of the office that awful Thursday afternoon, "never to run away again, never to put up all your old walls and keep me out?"

She nodded, blinking back tears as she leaned in to kiss him. "Yes Tony," Ziva smiled, "I promise, and I will marry you." She pressed her hand to his chest, feeling the steady beating of his heart, smirking when it sped up a bit at her touch. "And will you, Tony DiNozzo, marry me? A woman who has been so many different people that I still sometimes do not know who I am even though I can remember everything. A woman who has hurt you deeply, made just as many mistakes as you, but has come to love you more than I ever thought I could love another person. Will you promise to always love me like this, like I am your treasure, to never let me go, to never let me push you away?"

Tony pulled her close and kissed his wife passionately, his lips caressing hers, his fingers winding into her hair, delighted when Ziva responded with equal feeling. When he let her breathe again, he rested his forehead on hers. "I promise, and I'll say yes a thousand times Ziva, I will marry you again if you want. I just want you, need you, as my wife. I love you."

"I love you too," Ziva smiled, her eyes lighting with something he hadn't seen since her memories returned. It was the first time she'd said 'I love you' since before she'd remembered, and Tony had begun to wonder if he would always see the love in her eyes but never get to hear the words from her lips.

Gratefulness overwhelmed him and he had to kiss her again, slowly, wanting to mark every second on his memory to look back on later. The night he got his wife back. When he pulled away slightly to see her, the emotion in Ziva's eyes hadn't changed, and Tony remembered that look. He swallowed hard. Almost afraid to ask, he took her hand and kissed each fingertip. "Zeev?" He hoped she knew what he was asking and would understand his question.

"I am ready Tony," she whispered, pressing against him, giving him the permission he'd wanted for weeks.

Tony wrapped his arms around her, capturing her lips and deepening the kiss immediately. His tongue touched her bottom lip, asking for permission, and Ziva opened her mouth without hesitation. Tony groaned as he tasted her, sliding his hand under her t-shirt to explore the skin on her lower back.

His touch was needy and impatient, his mouth possessive and urgent on hers. It had been weeks since they'd had sex and he wanted her so badly. He wanted to give her comfort and reassure himself that this was real, that they were still together even after everything. He wanted to get the pleasure he'd become used to from Ziva's body, and bring her to the point of ecstacy, when she collapsed sweaty and trembling into his arms.

But for all he wanted, Tony held back, because now she remembered Somalia and he didn't know how that would affect their intimacy. Ziva felt his hesitation and broke the kiss, her eyes searching his, trying to understand why he wasn't as enthusiastic as she'd expected him to be.

"What is wrong Tony?" she asked. "I thought this was what you wanted."

The way she worded the sentence made him pull away even farther. He frowned. "I don't want to make love to you if you're only letting me Ziva." Tony searched her gaze. "Do you want this?"

Her eyes softened. "Tony, I am your wife, you know me. You have known me for years and learned how to read me. We are partners who have never needed words to speak." Ziva touched his face. "What did you see in my eyes? What do you see now?"

He swallowed. "That you want me to do this, that you want me. But the memories Ziva..." Tony sighed. "I don't want to hurt you."

She shook her head. "Somalia was almost three years ago Tony. And for the last year you have loved me so carefully." Ziva traced his lips with her thumb and shook away the darkness from that event. "I do not like to remember, but I am yours now and I am not afraid." She kissed him slowly. "It is alright ahava, to show me how much you love me."

His eyes grew smokey and Ziva smiled, recognizing his look of desire. With aching tenderness Tony pulled her back into his arms, his lips seeking hers, his hands roaming over her body with experience, his touch laying an invisible claim to any skin others may have touched.

Ziva returned the kiss with anticipation, refusing to give into the fear niggling at the back of her mind because she knew that her husband was always gentle and loving. He had been since the beginning of their second chance. When he took her that night, slowly and sweetly, Ziva felt whole again, as if being with him was the last piece of the puzzle that she'd been missing.

She fell asleep much later wrapped around Tony, safe in his arms, content finally with where and what she was. She was Ziva - former Mossad assassin, former ice queen, former soldier. Now she was an investigator, a friend, a daughter, and a wife. This was her life. She had a past, a present, all of her memories, and a husband who loved her more than she deserved. He was her future, her heart, her home - everything that she'd never had before.

After everything that had happened, her life had still been redeemed, their love had been redeemed, and Ziva would never take it for granted again. Lacing her fingers with Tony's, Ziva snuggled a bit closer and closed her eyes. Nothing had ever felt so right. No longer would she have to try to remember something good, because she'd be waking up beside him every day for the rest of her life.

THE END


End file.
